Mama of 2 P's in a Pod

Sometimes the holidays can bring the best out of people. And sadly, a lot of the time it can bring out the worst too. Usually I am into the season. Excited to spend Christmas with our family, as dysfunctional as it may be. But this year, I have had a hard time getting into the spirit. Christmas Eve I was pretty much over it. I am not usually so negative, but the recent events of two officers murdered and those children taken away in Connecticut, plus the every day negative news headlines and stress of the season was enough to get me in the Scrooge like mood. Thankfully, our little P and her sweet spirit reminded me that those things are all just things that are out of my control. When we got together for her nightly prayers, she wanted to add a prayer for the mommies and daddies in Connecticut who didn't have little ones to tuck in for Santa. Wow. That hit me. I am eternally grateful for her and her way of being my amazing Grace. There is nothing like the harsh slap of perspective ...

9 years ago Kris and I became parents for the first time. We were both terrified. Me more of the labor and delivery part at first, but both of us on "how in the world can we take care of someone so little and so vulnerable" part. I was in my last hour of back labor at this point 9 years ago. It was a long and painful 12 hours. No medicine offered could have taken the edge, but once it came time for me help Piper into this world, it became relatively easy. She decided when to make her appearance all on her own, very much like the person she is now. She's ready when SHE is ready. December 13th wasn't the day she wanted to arrive so she stayed put for five more days. I loved being pregnant, especially that second and third trimester when reality of carrying another life becomes pretty known. The kicking, the hiccups, the foot caught in my rib cage or the entire body flip that made my stomach have a corner for a brief time. I loved knowing that I was part of a miracle and...

So my last post pointed out that October went exceptionally fast....well November was pretty much the same. In fact, I blinked and it was gone. Life is busy and seems even busier when routine is out of whack, as was our November. The P's were involved in a fall soccer tourney in KC the first weekend in November. It was my first time taking on a full weekend of tournament action by myself, ok without Kris, because my mom, the trooper she is, was on hand to help me. Kris was here, working and then, playing in the annual Battle of the Badges tournament. He was able to see one game out of three so there is that to be thankful for at least. I do have to say it went pretty well. I managed to get us there safely and back and it was a great experience for all of us. Well mostly. The Sunday of the tourney was the football game. It was the first year the girls and I have missed watching Topeka Fire take on Topeka Police. I was a little bummed but sometimes we must divide and conquer and I...

It is Halloween. Wow. Where on earth did October go? Seriously? I swear we just got into the fall/October mode and bam tonight we went trick or treating. Crazy to think that November is here tomorrow and the holidays will be knocking at the door. And our Big P will be entering her final year in the single digits. I just can't grasp it. What a fun night we've had. I wish the fire shifts would be a little more flexible, it seems holidays are worked back to back sometimes. We finally live in a wonderful neighborhood so trick or treating is enjoyable and not a rush to get here and there. Mom passed out candy at our door, and wow, with this beautiful weather, we ran out in an hour and a half. I only got to give a few trick or treaters candy. The P's or should I say, Black Eyed P's took over once we were done going door to door. We had our niece Val with us and I hope she enjoyed us as much as we enjoyed her. She is in such a rough spot, not quite a kid but not quite a teen ...

There is no denying it. The P's are not so little anymore. In fact, while watching my niece and nephew last night, I realized just how big they are getting, especially big P. She turns 9 in two months, it will mark her final year in the single digits. That seems a little silly perhaps, but 10 means she is truly on her way to growing up. I am not quite ready to deal with all of that just yet. I wish we could slow time down just a bit and hold onto their childhood. I am so ever grateful that they are still "little" girls in a lot of sense. They still believe in magic, like Santa and the Tooth fairy. They both get extremely excited about the simplest of things like a new box of crayons, or the possibilities with a cardboard box. And they still have such great imaginations that the rest of us seem to lose as we gain years. Barbies are still very prominent, but then again so are bow and arrows and legos and books. They like to re-enact movies, especially "The Chronicles o...

A couple of weeks ago I went in for a sonogram on three lumps in my breast. Sonogram was what I expected, mammogram was not even on my radar. So after waiting for 40 minutes, (my appointment was at 2:00, got in at 2:40) I was informed that I would have a sonogram after my mammogram. Needless to say I was a little surprised. And to be honest not sure what to expect. My mom has said it's an unpleasant squeeze. Well it's a lot more than that! Maybe it's because I was extremely nervous or maybe it's because I was completely out of my woods, but that was a lot more than just a squeeze. I didn't even know my body could be twisted like that. The best part they don't mention, is the 'oh by the way, sorry I've managed to completely flatten your boob and moved it in an most painful position, but don't breathe until I tell you to.' Yeah, because breathing or not at this point is an option. Poor Kris was in the waiting room for much longer than we expected ...

Here are some recent pics of my beautiful family! Little P's school picture ~ my little 2nd grader Big P's school picture ~ our 3rd grader (sniff sniff last year in primary) Monster Bash softball tourney 2012...our little Lumberjack & Dalmation. Two tired little softball players at Cheeseburger in Paradise Kris and his P's..in ears of course following big P's music program, can you guess the theme? Big P and Oma enjoying Oktoberfest Little P and I spending some time together at Going Bonkers while sister was a birthday party. The P's and their daddy at the Fire Open House... The girls at our church's fall festival...great end to a great weekend.

Some interesting and somewhat frightening moments this month. Well some even before the month of October began. Sometimes, the reality of life bites. Alzheimers, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, divorces, unemployment, the list could go on. I am glad September is over, I am just hoping the roller coast of October slows down a bit. Other than those moments, life is good. Just a little reality check as to what is truly important in life.

Ok so maybe not so funny to you, the reader but here are my random thoughts, on the first night of October. My tongue is burnt. Once again I can not wait for a hot drink to not be so hot before I dare to take a sip. Darn you hot apple cider, darn you! I did sing along at the top of my lungs with the P's tonight, off key and all, and I will do it again soon I hope. Worth all of the giggles I got in response. I am looking forward to getting up at 5am to Jazzercize in my living room, yes you read that correctly. One it's more convenient with K's work schedule and quite frankly I may frighten the peeps at Jazzercize if I work out there in just shorts and a sports bra like I do here. I am looking forward to Christmas shopping, now if my checkbook could match my list without any bumps it would be great! It is only 9pm and I am going to bed, because I can!

Being a mom is better than I could have ever expected. I thought about having kids when I was a kid myself. But I never really imagined what it would be like. I think a part of me just assumed I wouldn't be able to have them. I don't know why, but I was told at one point, much later than imagining, that they may not happen for me. Well, God has other plans doesn't he? I think the fact that our girls are only 19 months a part, is a true testament that I am not the one really planning my life. But wow, I would not change it! I used to think about some high impact career, busy all of the time, traveling and seeing the world. But once I held a 9 pound 4 ounce little girl in my arms, my dreams came true in a different light. Everything I wanted to be was her mommy. Nothing else mattered. And while I have a lot on my plate, being mommy to two p's in a pod, truly being their mom is a dream come true. I want to be the very best for them. And for so long, that meant putti...

Sometimes life becomes so busy we forget to worry about the things that are not part of the busyness. Sometimes that can be a good thing, and sometimes it can be the opposite. Either way, life in our household has hit an alltime busy mode. This month is so busy that I have chosen to take it day by day rather than stress about what we have going on in its entirety. But evenings between Monday and Friday are completely full. Weekends are somewhat full but there is a little more give and take there. Thankfully the girls love the activities we have keeping us busy and thankfully life resumes back to somewhat normal in October. In fact, October through January, are pretty Lax, minus the craziness of holidays, birthdays etc. Life is great when we work together. But life has a funny way of reminding you of just how short it is. Today, we had to meet as a staff to deal with the murder of a co-worker. Not something I expected to find in the school district we are in. She was a new teacher to t...

We've finished up two weeks of school. Its been a little easier getting back into the routine this year. I'd like to thank Big P for that. She decided late last school year to take a break from dance this year so she could focus on sports. Little P wanted to add music lessons into her mix of activities, so dance was not an option there either. And what a relief, for now. Both are on competitive softball teams. Yes, I know COMPETITIVE at age 7 & 8, but it is what it is. As long as they enjoy these activities, we will continue them. Did I mention they are playing soccer this fall as well? First game was today, and boy the much needed rain made it a fun morning. The P's and I spend a lot of time with my mom, we always have. But there have been some changes in her this past year or so. While there are things beyond her control, she is embracing the opportunity to enjoy life, try new things and put a lot of time and energy into her only grandchildren. I am very gratef...

Kris' back to school countdown has ended. Tomorrow is our first official day of school, though I've been back since Monday. I can't believe we have a third and second grader. Little P pointed out the older they get, the closer they get to my room. I am in no hurry to speed that up at all! Tonight was sneak peak at school, where they got to see their classrooms and drop off their school supplies. I'm excited to see how the school year goes. A little sad to not see some of my familiar school faces this year, but I'm grateful for the ones I get to continue to see! Here is to a great school year! On a side note: my hubby went on a little gifting spree for me today. He surprised me (with the girls of course) with new bedding, and a fancy one cup coffee maker! Love that man!

No I am not bragging on myself here, though some may argue that I should. :) Ha Ha that felt funny to type. But dang, we have had two majorly hot summers in a row. I expect some triple digit heat, but not for 30 days straight last summer and pretty close to that this summer. It makes it difficult to do some of the old fashioned summer ideas I had. In fact, there were about two weeks straight, that the girls and I became major hermits. And to be honest, that can mess with one's mind. I am so ready to be outside and playing and getting dirty and just having fun. So dear Mother Nature, could you cooperate please? Little P turns 7 this Saturday, 7!!! I can't believe it. Its less little girl and more on her way to being a big girl. Yikes! We had a family party for her last night, and by family, I mean my parents, Kris' parents and our siblings and families. Hindsight, I should've included other family, so Aunt Delores, again I'm sorry! I will get better at this, I prom...

There are things in life that are certain. The sun will rise. Children will grow. Time will slip away if you let it. Then there are the things in life that are uncertain, and inevitably, those things are people. The ones you've lowered your expectations for, surprise you and leave you breathless. The ones you've leant on, suddenly shift and you find yourself needing to provide your own support. There are the ones you've tried to give up on, but life keeps pushing them back in your direction and all you can do is smile and start again. And thankfully, there are the ones, who maybe slipped away for awhile, but who see right through you and grab on tight for the ride.

A good friend of mine has surgery tomorrow to remove a spot on the back of her arm that tested positive for melanoma. They are also removing some lymph nodes to make sure it has not spread to her lymphatic system. Stage two is her prognosis at the moment. And the melanoma usually comes back. She is 39 years old. A dear friend, and a wonderful mother and fire wife. She works in a hospice setting so she sees the reality of life more than most. I am praying that the doctors steady hand will get it all out and that they caught it early enough that her lymph nodes haven't been poisoned. But either way, its a scary dose of reality.

I was born with a name different than the one I grew up with. My mom left my biological dad when I was around 2 1/2 years old. She packed me up with the clothes on my back, my yellow baby and a few other items on a Kansas bound Greyhound bus. We left Florida and the family there. And when we left, it seems the glue that was holding that family together, came undone. That was the last time I saw Stan. We have talked through the years, mostly rambling letters and confusing phone calls. This year, my 34th birthday, was the only one that I can recall him telling me happy birthday. Thank goodness for texting, it truly has become the best way to communicate with him. There was a time when I was so angry at his lack of fathering that I refused to talk to him, and when I did, I was extremely rude. Especially the day he asked if he could give me away. But becoming a parent and a few other life lessons, have made me realize, that weekly texting is HIS way of being in my life. I don't want ...

Now that THAT is all said and done, I am onto the living that is my life. I spent a lot of time running while the girls were in arts camp these past two weeks. And one of my favorite songs has a part that says "We learn to live life out loud" and it made me think over and over how simple that concept, LLOL, truly is. I think over the past 24 hours, Kris and I have managed to set a good example of that. We took a whirlwind trip to St. Louis with the girls for a Dave Ramsey moment and it turned out to be one of the highlights of summer thus far. The girls have not stopped talking about seeing the Mississippi River and the Arch! Love seeing life through their eyes. And what beautiful eyes they are. The P's first Mississippi river encounter.....spitting to make a wish came right after this pic. The gateway to the West.... Checking out how sturdy the Arch really is... Big P is not quite sure she wants to go to the top... Little P was stoked...mommy played it like she w...

There have always been people in my life who chose to come and go as they please. Some are family so I have always felt as if I had no choice but to let them back in. But as I've grown into adulthood, there are times I wish I could tell them go somewhere else. Some missed quite a bit of my life, and while they made small attempts here and there, they never took the time to get to know me, and I have always felt a constant source of criticism and judgement in relation to them. Basically, I have never felt "good enough" for a few people in my life. Now, I know that I am good enough, but their hypocritical standards are hard to overlook sometimes. As a mother, I thought for a brief moment, the alienation and hurt I felt as a child had changed. They spent time with the P's, seemed excited about them, wanted to know them, and then, their true colors came out again. Some however, were not interested at all. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times they've actual...

Our first week of summer break went well. I let the girls have a week of staying up late, sleep in late and little structure. It backfired. Our girls need structure, so thankfully this week has started off as such. They have camp at an arts camp I attended as a kiddo. They love it and it is nice to have 2 1/2 hours a day to myself for the 10 days of camp. I am using the time wisely, run/walking and reading of course. I hope to get some much needed writing in soon. Lots of ideas floating through me as I've been run/walking. Can not wait! So here's to summer. Can't wait to enjoy it and make lots of memories!

Summer break is almost here. WOOHOO! Today is my last Friday off to myself until next school year. I am not complaining at all, I am looking forward to spending that time with the girls and with Kris when he happens to be off, but I am enjoying the day with just me and Higbee as well. I'd like to say I have some big grandiose plans for my day, but I'm doing the responsible thing of paying bills and laundry so far. I'd like to eventually venture out and go GROCERY shopping. I know exciting stuff! Actually going by myself is kind of a treat. I do like having one of the girls with me, its nice to have that one on one time but I spend so much less when I'm by myself. I am hoping to get going on some meal planning this morning so my vultures, I mean daughters can have some healthy snacks and lunches for the first couple of weeks of summer. We are literally out of everything so it won't be a cheap trip, and I probably should be scanning local ads instead of blogging, but ...

Sweet molasses...how does two months go by so incredibly fast? Oh wait, I know, fill up your time with as much possible, that will make it fly right on by! Life has been busy, busy and more busy! And while the school year dwindles down, the busyness does not for awhile. Too much to blog in a short post tonight, but so thankful for a nothing-to-do night like tonight!

Its the middle of spring break. Our first day with the sun actually shining. Sadly, I don't know if the girls will get a chance to enjoy that. Instead, they are both pouting in their bedrooms after another round of fighting, and another round of outright defiance. Sigh.... Sometimes it feels the more we do for our children, the worse they behave. I remember my parents saying this a time or two growing up, so its definitely nothing new. But I am a little sad. We could have easily spent our morning working on spring cleaning their rooms and the afternoon outside. (of course the radar is making that seem less and less of an idea). But they had to take it a step further and fight over lip gloss. Yes, lipgloss. Then in my awesome momness, I yelled and sent them to their room. Another sigh.... We spent the day as a family yesterday, movies, friend over, dinner out. It was a great and expensive day. And you would think it would be enough to get some helpful children this morning. But ...

Spring break starts Friday. I have to say the idea of having 10 days off is AMAZING! Of course I will be on my own with the kiddos (2 and 4 legged) and projects around the house. BUT I will try very hard to balance the fun and the projects so the girls can enjoy the time with me too. I am hoping to get a good routine in the working out and eating good area. I'm a little nervous about having access to our pantry, but will power will prevail right?! I'm a geek and am counting down to the Hunger Games movie next Friday. I loved the books and am proud to say I read them before the hype! I am hoping to find another series or book that I can get just as excited about. I guess if I can't, its time to get this book of mine a'crackin! I may try to squeeze some of that in over spring break too! Hmmmm should I make a list of things I hope to accomplish? Hmmm...that could be too much pressure! And on we go!

Stinks! That's all there is to it. Such big decisions and choices are left up to us. And then to the "grown ups" we spent our childhood looking up to. What it all boils down to, is that even when we are grown ups, those grown ups still have the opportunity to let us down. Without getting too personal and offending anyone, here's my post. If you're easily offended, then please don't read. My parents are getting divorced. After 31 years of "marriage", they are calling it quits. This is probably something that should've happened years ago. In fact, I remember going into my college years wondering when they would finally either fix things or move on. I was pretty naive back then, there are some things that can't be fixed. And there are some people who are not willing to compromise, EVER. I understand why one of my parents is wanting this change and wanting it now. It's been a build up and freedom is a necessary component of moving on an...

Quite a bit going on this month. A lot of fun happenings and some other just busy happenings. The above pic is of Big P and her friend and classmate E doing their part for Jump Rope for Heart. Little P jumping her heart out. Both P's were very excited to participate in this event at school and both made their personal goals on fundraising. Thank you to all who gave so they could jump! Kris got to be on hand as well, so it was double the fun! The P's got a lot of cousin time last week, including some time with baby cousin C. She is 10 months old and in that fun, giggle and be amazed by everything stage. They are both very good with her. They are baby magnets. I found a fun project for the P's for Valentine's day. The hearts said things like "you rock at basketball", "your smile brightens my day" and "we are lucky to have you." The P's seemed to enjoy this fun treat and have yet to take the hearts down. We had some issues with ...

Life as a parent gets hectic. Heck now-a-days, life as a child is hectic. There's dance, and softball and girl scouts and the other various activities we can get our children involved in. Kris and I vowed from the beginning to avoid becoming the "busy every night of the week parents." Not because we are selfish but because we've seen first hand what having children too involved does to them and we both agree its not good for any child to be so busy they can't enjoy anything. We have friends who allow their children to be involved in 5 or more activities at a time. I see how their kids quickly become burnt out and act up when they are being carted from one activity to another. I've also seen how these children don't know how to act when there is absolutely nothing going on. They can't entertain themselves. This is what I want to avoid! However, for some reason, our generation has decided to over do it on everything. Softball isn't just a summer pas...

This post is about me...yikes. I don't even like typing that. But this is really for me, to look at and hold myself accountable. When I feel like giving in, I can look here and see what 'giving in' looks like. 1st picture: Before the major weight gain settled in. Late May 1999 I believe. This is Kasey, my parents first yorkie. Miss that boy! 2nd picture: Kris and I's second Christmas, 2000. A quick 50 lb gain in just a year's time. And so it begins! 3rd picture: Kris and I Christmas 2001. This picture always makes me cringe. I wanted that sweater when I worked at Eddie Bauer for a holiday job so bad, no one told me I looked like a gigantic orange pumpkin! 4th picture: Me and my good friend "little Lisa" on my wedding day, July 13, 2002. We didn't think she was going to be able to make it, so this was after me being completely surprised. And anyone who is over 5'0 looks enormous next to her. 5th picture: Me and my dad on my wedding...