Sometimes being a grown up....

Stinks! That's all there is to it. Such big decisions and choices are left up to us. And then to the "grown ups" we spent our childhood looking up to. What it all boils down to, is that even when we are grown ups, those grown ups still have the opportunity to let us down. Without getting too personal and offending anyone, here's my post. If you're easily offended, then please don't read. My parents are getting divorced. After 31 years of "marriage", they are calling it quits. This is probably something that should've happened years ago. In fact, I remember going into my college years wondering when they would finally either fix things or move on. I was pretty naive back then, there are some things that can't be fixed. And there are some people who are not willing to compromise, EVER. I understand why one of my parents is wanting this change and wanting it now. It's been a build up and freedom is a necessary component of moving on and being able to breathe finally. I have no hard feelings towards that decision, in fact I support it. That does not take away from the sadness that now resides in my heart with this decision, and the decision to sell the only house they ever owned. In fact, the house goes on the market, today. Growing up we had a lot of love and support from one parent in the household. We got as many hugs and kisses as needed from that parent. But one person can not make up an entire childhood. And the lack of love and support from the other side made it a challenge to know the right direction to go in when we were in search of love and life growing up. This was something I had put away and figured it was part of life, until recently. Now as a parent myself, I am a little pissed that it continues with my children. Little girls who are so full of life and love and want to share it, are being ignored and told "oh I don't need hugs" or "I don't give hugs". It's one thing to deny your children of this, but not your grandchildren. But then again, some people are on a different kind of journey at the moment and love certainly is not part of it. So I have to ask myself, is it worth putting the girls in the middle of it? Will the house sell and journeys begin in different directions soon enough? Is any of this having an effect on the girls? They don't seem to be bothered, they see this kind of rejection as normal for the grandparent who doesn't want to hug. They know that the other grandparent is very much involved. So maybe the rejection is hitting me, because it was me as an 8-year-old little girl who wanted a hug from her daddy and never got one. It was me as 33-year-old woman who realizes I've heard my dad tell me he loves me once, ONCE. I am praying that maybe this journey will benefit both of my parents. That they will not be tied to a dying flower that never saw the sunlight, and that they can be the people they always wanted to be. I know one will thrive, but I worry about the other. There seems to be no desire there, no need to be something more. No need to find a way to provide the basics for anyone, not even themselves. I worry that the job or lack of will catch up to them. I worry that our visits will be on N Kansas Ave. And I don't want to help. I have tried and tried and tried for the past 3 years. Given ideas, called friends, asked for favors. None of it was "good enough" and here we are. But there is a part of me that worries enough to be kept up at night. I guess its true, I can't fix or help everyone. Some people need to fix themselves, and in order to do that, they have to fall on their bottom. This situation makes me want to do better at everything in my life. So I guess there is some good to come out of this. Either way, hug your kids. Squeeze them. Don't let them ever question your love. Make it so much a part of their life they have no choice but to love back and thrive.