What they don't tell you...

A couple of weeks ago I went in for a sonogram on three lumps in my breast. Sonogram was what I expected, mammogram was not even on my radar. So after waiting for 40 minutes, (my appointment was at 2:00, got in at 2:40) I was informed that I would have a sonogram after my mammogram. Needless to say I was a little surprised. And to be honest not sure what to expect. My mom has said it's an unpleasant squeeze. Well it's a lot more than that! Maybe it's because I was extremely nervous or maybe it's because I was completely out of my woods, but that was a lot more than just a squeeze. I didn't even know my body could be twisted like that. The best part they don't mention, is the 'oh by the way, sorry I've managed to completely flatten your boob and moved it in an most painful position, but don't breathe until I tell you to.' Yeah, because breathing or not at this point is an option. Poor Kris was in the waiting room for much longer than we expected and he was pretty nervous for me. Once the squeeze and flatten was over I was in the ultrasound room trying not to freak out about the three 'masses' they were discussing on the screen. Laying on that bed I said a silent prayer and wondered if I had to leave my daughters as they were still little girls. It was extremely hard, and extremely frightening. All I could think about was what memories of me could they hold onto and stage numbers kept creating a nightmare for me while I was wide awake. After an eternity of waiting the radiologist informed me that yes I do have 3 'masses' but their structure is not consistent with what they see with breast cancer. Chances are they are hormonally structured but I am to report any more pain, temperature change or size change immediately so that they can biopsy the 'masses.' Huge sigh of relief, though I pray that they are just that, an effect of hormonal changes. Could it be that simple? Lord I certainly hope so. But the terror of the situation is still very fresh. And the way I am viewing things has changed quite a bit. Like what is important and what isn't. I am blessed that no stages were involved, and that life was changed on that random Wednesday, just thankfully not in the nightmarish way I had imagined.

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