Firefighter's wife
Three years ago today, I got a phone call from my husband saying a fellow brother and firefighter mentor had died while fighting the same fire he was on. It was a brief conversation, one that literally took my breath away. And one that still haunts me today.
It was a hot day, much like today's forecasted high of 104. I had taken the P's to the lake to ride their bike and trike across the dam. But the heat was too much and we gave up pretty quickly. Oddly enough, the picture I took of that little bike ride is on my very first blog post.
Kris called as I loaded our girls into my SUV. I automatically drove to firestation number 8, or 8's, Tony's station and what is now Kris' station. My husband is an emotional person, but sometimes he is very difficult to read. Our girls were very young at the time, 2 & 31/2 and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. He seemed like he wanted to be with his brothers, so I left after a short visit. Hindsight of course tells me I should've found a way to be there for him that night. But that is that.
I remember lying in bed that night and picturing how his wife Karrie must be feeling and what it was like for her to get that call. Protocol states a battalion chief, minister and sometimes the fire chief himself are supposed to come to a spouse's place of work or home. But being in the EMS field herself, I think she was contacted in another way, and I can only imagine what the felt like at 5 months pregnant.
I sat at Captain Cox's funeral a week later and watched as my husband stood guard with the rest of the TFD honor guard. I watched Karrie and said a prayer for her to find peace. A lot of dirty laundry came to head during that week, and I think that made it even that more difficult for her. But she handled it with class and a preserverance I have never seen.
Captain Cox was a mentor to my husband both at the firestation and on the ambulance. A few months before they announced her pregnancy, Tony & Karrie had our family of 4 over for dinner. It was a fun night, one that I will never forget. And I am eternally grateful for the way he took Kris under his wing.
And while I may never understand some of the laundry that was brought to attention, I believe he lived his life serving others and was a hero for so many.
But as a firefighter's wife, I can't help but hold my breath when I hear my husband on a call. I know he is good at what he does. He has the best bedside manner with patients and with people he is helping in general. His calm demeanor has earned him many levels of respect in the EMS field. His sense of humor keeps us all laughing. As a firefighter's wife, I know the reality of our life is that he may not come home after a shift someday. That possibility is always in my heart. And I'd like to think I will handle it with the class that Karrie Cox did, but I make no guarantees. However, with two little girls who will watch my every move, I know that I have to.
The hours are long and hard both as a firefighter and as a wife. There are weeks where we see Kris 2 days at most, and that's not 48 hours in a row! But I appreciate him and what he does for our family and I know that he loves every minute of it. There used to be a time when I thought this career might be the end of our marriage, but we have overcome and are closer now than we ever have been. Its a hard but wonderful life and I know our girls are so incredibly proud and in awe of their daddy. And so am I.
So Captain Cox, I pray that you are at peace and that you are able to find some joy knowing that you are truly missed. To Karrie, Hannah and the rest of the Cox family, may there be a constant reminder that God will carry you through.
It was a hot day, much like today's forecasted high of 104. I had taken the P's to the lake to ride their bike and trike across the dam. But the heat was too much and we gave up pretty quickly. Oddly enough, the picture I took of that little bike ride is on my very first blog post.
Kris called as I loaded our girls into my SUV. I automatically drove to firestation number 8, or 8's, Tony's station and what is now Kris' station. My husband is an emotional person, but sometimes he is very difficult to read. Our girls were very young at the time, 2 & 31/2 and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. He seemed like he wanted to be with his brothers, so I left after a short visit. Hindsight of course tells me I should've found a way to be there for him that night. But that is that.
I remember lying in bed that night and picturing how his wife Karrie must be feeling and what it was like for her to get that call. Protocol states a battalion chief, minister and sometimes the fire chief himself are supposed to come to a spouse's place of work or home. But being in the EMS field herself, I think she was contacted in another way, and I can only imagine what the felt like at 5 months pregnant.
I sat at Captain Cox's funeral a week later and watched as my husband stood guard with the rest of the TFD honor guard. I watched Karrie and said a prayer for her to find peace. A lot of dirty laundry came to head during that week, and I think that made it even that more difficult for her. But she handled it with class and a preserverance I have never seen.
Captain Cox was a mentor to my husband both at the firestation and on the ambulance. A few months before they announced her pregnancy, Tony & Karrie had our family of 4 over for dinner. It was a fun night, one that I will never forget. And I am eternally grateful for the way he took Kris under his wing.
And while I may never understand some of the laundry that was brought to attention, I believe he lived his life serving others and was a hero for so many.
But as a firefighter's wife, I can't help but hold my breath when I hear my husband on a call. I know he is good at what he does. He has the best bedside manner with patients and with people he is helping in general. His calm demeanor has earned him many levels of respect in the EMS field. His sense of humor keeps us all laughing. As a firefighter's wife, I know the reality of our life is that he may not come home after a shift someday. That possibility is always in my heart. And I'd like to think I will handle it with the class that Karrie Cox did, but I make no guarantees. However, with two little girls who will watch my every move, I know that I have to.
The hours are long and hard both as a firefighter and as a wife. There are weeks where we see Kris 2 days at most, and that's not 48 hours in a row! But I appreciate him and what he does for our family and I know that he loves every minute of it. There used to be a time when I thought this career might be the end of our marriage, but we have overcome and are closer now than we ever have been. Its a hard but wonderful life and I know our girls are so incredibly proud and in awe of their daddy. And so am I.
So Captain Cox, I pray that you are at peace and that you are able to find some joy knowing that you are truly missed. To Karrie, Hannah and the rest of the Cox family, may there be a constant reminder that God will carry you through.
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