Finding my center

Most of my blog is about my family. I mean come on, it is called Mama of 2 P's in a Pod. But after some recent thinking and chatting with people close to me, I've decided to blog about myself for a moment.

I seem to have lost my center. Perhaps I've never had it in my own possession. I am after all, a people pleaser and a fixer. I want to help everyone and anyone who will let me know. I devote so much time to my family that when it comes down to it, I don't have much for myself. It is not their fault, it is only my own. I can't change overnight, but the time has come to find myself. I know I am around here somewhere. I need to find a way to be true to me, but still be the giver I am. That will be hard. I want to fix some things so very bad, but they aren't mine to fix. I have to step back a little and let those who need to fix them, find their own way.

I know we are at 11 months since the fire. And most of everyone we know is over it and expects us to be. I know some day, it won't be as suffocating or as numbing. I have to remember that what I am feeling, what my family is feeling, is part of the process. I can't fix it, we have to live it. I can't explain to people who have never dealt with it. But I refuse to let it beat me. I have to remember that every day I get to wake up and live my life, it is a blessing. Every day. Every single day.

So here I go. I know I am much stronger than I've allowed myself to be. I am not weak. I refuse to be that person. I refuse to let this beat me.

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