Thoughts..

A year ago, I was recovering from my first non baby related adult surgery. It was painful and I was weak and at times felt alone. That was probably the pain killer talking, but our life at the time was lonely. A major rift in the family just about did all the Dodds in, and sadly without our doing, Kris and I were in the middle of it. It was hard. Very hard. I had cleaned and organized the house in anticipation of not being able to do it for awhile. But my sweet P's, they took advantage of mama, and made it look like a hurricane hit their play area and rooms. That choice of mine, to over look and not exert the energy needed to clean it back up, haunts me to this day. Their possessions may have been saved had I not wallowed in my own self pity and cleaned them up. All of those toys they had loved most of their childhood, were lost because mama didn't insist on getting them back in totes or where they belonged. This is fresh to me, because we are in the process of finishing our basement. Thankfully, it is no longer recognizable as the basement we had before. But the guilt lingers for sure.

The D-day anniversary is fast approaching. In a lot of ways, we've moved on and gained some strength, and in some, we are in limbo. Sadly, the sympathy and understanding needed for us to get through this portion of it, is hard to find. So, we've turned inward and are focused on getting our family stronger. No one else understands. Only we can be that support for one another.