Hope
Two weeks ago tonight I had just tucked the girls in for bed and settled down to read before Kris came home from a shift on the ambulance. I had spent a little time snuggling with my 4 legged boy and contemplated letting him crash in our bed. But selfishly I opted to let him sleep in his kennel and said to Kris that I would have him snuggle with me the next night when K returned to the fire station. I wish now that I had him snuggle with us that night, his last night on Earth. I had no idea what would transpire the next day. I had no idea that our whole life as we knew it would go up in smoke.
There are moments when I get overwhelmed with sadness and regret and throw in the what ifs. But the what ifs are what keep me going. I try to remember that when the girls get grumpy or fight with each other. I know their whole world has been turned upside down, everything they loved, hoarded, played with and held close to their heart, is gone. Presents from 5th birthdays, favorite books, toys, clothes and their best friend, all destroyed on a random Wednesday morning. So I'm learning to be patient. I am trying to give them a sense of security again and thank God I am not alone. Kris is such a rock. I know he goes over the what ifs too, but from the perspective of someone who has seen the what ifs up close, from the other side of course. But he is holding it together, despite a broken heart missing our sweet boy. Despite the loss of all of the material possessions he has worked 3 jobs to provide for us. Despite.
Our family has rallied around us. The community has rallied around us. It's been overwhelming, but in an incredible kind of way. I can't even put into words what it has meant to have clothing donated, gift cards and money! But the intention of it all warms my heart in so many ways! Kids have coordinated lemonade stands and bake sales that have raised a lot for our family but have also raised our spirits. Incredible hearts who have given me hope! Thank you!!!
I know it was just a House but it is our home, the only one we have ever owned! I know that all we lost were material things and a family pet. But those were memories and he was a true family member. We also lost our sense of normal. I know we will get it all back some day. But the transition and waiting period leave a lot of time to think. But I am truly grateful for another chance and that my family is safe. 8am vs 3am made all the difference in the world. And after all, we have each other and we have hope.
There are moments when I get overwhelmed with sadness and regret and throw in the what ifs. But the what ifs are what keep me going. I try to remember that when the girls get grumpy or fight with each other. I know their whole world has been turned upside down, everything they loved, hoarded, played with and held close to their heart, is gone. Presents from 5th birthdays, favorite books, toys, clothes and their best friend, all destroyed on a random Wednesday morning. So I'm learning to be patient. I am trying to give them a sense of security again and thank God I am not alone. Kris is such a rock. I know he goes over the what ifs too, but from the perspective of someone who has seen the what ifs up close, from the other side of course. But he is holding it together, despite a broken heart missing our sweet boy. Despite the loss of all of the material possessions he has worked 3 jobs to provide for us. Despite.
Our family has rallied around us. The community has rallied around us. It's been overwhelming, but in an incredible kind of way. I can't even put into words what it has meant to have clothing donated, gift cards and money! But the intention of it all warms my heart in so many ways! Kids have coordinated lemonade stands and bake sales that have raised a lot for our family but have also raised our spirits. Incredible hearts who have given me hope! Thank you!!!
I know it was just a House but it is our home, the only one we have ever owned! I know that all we lost were material things and a family pet. But those were memories and he was a true family member. We also lost our sense of normal. I know we will get it all back some day. But the transition and waiting period leave a lot of time to think. But I am truly grateful for another chance and that my family is safe. 8am vs 3am made all the difference in the world. And after all, we have each other and we have hope.
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