In the land of double standards
One really finds out who their friends are when blame needs to be placed on someone, anyone.
Apparently its great that I have the job I have, until someone else doesn't reap the same benefits. We all make choices in where we work, what we spend on our time and what our priorities are. When P1 entered kindergarten, I lost a job because of budget cuts. I was the first cut made. What was at the time a complete panic attack, turned out to be the biggest blessing in disguise. Double that up with P2 being turned down for the preschool she had attended the previous year, because lack of membership to a certain parish, and that was panic attack number two in the same week back then. But God certainly has a way of directing you to something that better suits. Insert one-on-one daycare/preschool for P2 and it has set her up to thrive in school. Insert opportunity to work for the girls' school district, which has turned out to be the best thing for OUR family. See this works best for us. I don't need to ask permission. I don't need to ask for understanding. We all do what is best for our family. Now insert people who like to write about, talk about, expect understanding on what is best for THEIR family. But don't you dare ask for the same understanding about your needs. This my friends, is the ugly world of double standards.
I am exhausted at this point. I have rallied around friends having babies, having new business opportunities, dealing with sick parents, played carpool to help out when life gets too overscheduled. I have tried to be the kind of friend I would want. I don't ask for much in return, maybe some respect, some prayers from time to time. But wow. Could you please take this knife out of my back? I have so much more on my plate to deal with at the moment, that I really don't have time to be held to a higher standard than you're willing to live up to yourself. I have spent a lot of sleepless nights terrified about leaving my family without a wife and mother. I really don't have time to be drawn into your need for petty drama.
You want to know something? ASK ME! Don't post innuendos on facebook or twitter. I don't have time for any of that. Why? Because I am busy living life and trying very hard to make the most of life for my family.
You want the jist of my life? Here it goes.
I had a very simple, routine surgery two weeks ago today. Not just because I had strep throat for every major holiday this holiday season. Not just because I wanted attention. Because if you really knew me, like REALLY knew you me, you would know I hate to be the center of attention and would rather spend my time taking care of others. But I digress. I had the stupid surgery in hopes that it would help relieve the bigger problem. The problem that has been causing me torment for several years, but just recently found the reason for.
Two years ago, I discovered lumps. I've had multiple ultrasounds and mammograms and thank God they have all come back with no signs pointing to the horrible C word. But imagine the fear if you will because this does run in my family.
Last year, I had a gallbladder attack. After numerous tests, my gallbladder is extremely healthy, as is my entire stomach and esophagus.
These are both great news. Fantastic, do a cart wheel (if only I could) news! But it still raised a question as to why these things among several others, were going on in my body.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving and strep. Then Christmas and strep. Family doctor trip, not just strep but strep B which has been sitting in my body dormant for maybe up to 8 years. 8 years!!! A lot of damage can be done in 8 years. And it has a friend. Rhumatic fever. Seems like an old world problem. Seems like not a big deal, until you read into it. Until you make an appointment with an infectious disease doctor. Until you have to have tests done on your heart to see if your valves are in fact damaged, like 50% of those with rheumatic fever are. Not to mention autoimmune issues, such as precursors to Parkinsons etc.
So excuse me if I seem a bit pre-occupied. Excuse me for wanting a moment of your time, even just a prayer. I understand we all have things going on. But I am extremely hurt and disappointed in people who I've spent time and effort on who have decided its find a scapegoat time in this cruel and unfair world and think I make a good candidate.
Apparently its great that I have the job I have, until someone else doesn't reap the same benefits. We all make choices in where we work, what we spend on our time and what our priorities are. When P1 entered kindergarten, I lost a job because of budget cuts. I was the first cut made. What was at the time a complete panic attack, turned out to be the biggest blessing in disguise. Double that up with P2 being turned down for the preschool she had attended the previous year, because lack of membership to a certain parish, and that was panic attack number two in the same week back then. But God certainly has a way of directing you to something that better suits. Insert one-on-one daycare/preschool for P2 and it has set her up to thrive in school. Insert opportunity to work for the girls' school district, which has turned out to be the best thing for OUR family. See this works best for us. I don't need to ask permission. I don't need to ask for understanding. We all do what is best for our family. Now insert people who like to write about, talk about, expect understanding on what is best for THEIR family. But don't you dare ask for the same understanding about your needs. This my friends, is the ugly world of double standards.
I am exhausted at this point. I have rallied around friends having babies, having new business opportunities, dealing with sick parents, played carpool to help out when life gets too overscheduled. I have tried to be the kind of friend I would want. I don't ask for much in return, maybe some respect, some prayers from time to time. But wow. Could you please take this knife out of my back? I have so much more on my plate to deal with at the moment, that I really don't have time to be held to a higher standard than you're willing to live up to yourself. I have spent a lot of sleepless nights terrified about leaving my family without a wife and mother. I really don't have time to be drawn into your need for petty drama.
You want to know something? ASK ME! Don't post innuendos on facebook or twitter. I don't have time for any of that. Why? Because I am busy living life and trying very hard to make the most of life for my family.
You want the jist of my life? Here it goes.
I had a very simple, routine surgery two weeks ago today. Not just because I had strep throat for every major holiday this holiday season. Not just because I wanted attention. Because if you really knew me, like REALLY knew you me, you would know I hate to be the center of attention and would rather spend my time taking care of others. But I digress. I had the stupid surgery in hopes that it would help relieve the bigger problem. The problem that has been causing me torment for several years, but just recently found the reason for.
Two years ago, I discovered lumps. I've had multiple ultrasounds and mammograms and thank God they have all come back with no signs pointing to the horrible C word. But imagine the fear if you will because this does run in my family.
Last year, I had a gallbladder attack. After numerous tests, my gallbladder is extremely healthy, as is my entire stomach and esophagus.
These are both great news. Fantastic, do a cart wheel (if only I could) news! But it still raised a question as to why these things among several others, were going on in my body.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving and strep. Then Christmas and strep. Family doctor trip, not just strep but strep B which has been sitting in my body dormant for maybe up to 8 years. 8 years!!! A lot of damage can be done in 8 years. And it has a friend. Rhumatic fever. Seems like an old world problem. Seems like not a big deal, until you read into it. Until you make an appointment with an infectious disease doctor. Until you have to have tests done on your heart to see if your valves are in fact damaged, like 50% of those with rheumatic fever are. Not to mention autoimmune issues, such as precursors to Parkinsons etc.
So excuse me if I seem a bit pre-occupied. Excuse me for wanting a moment of your time, even just a prayer. I understand we all have things going on. But I am extremely hurt and disappointed in people who I've spent time and effort on who have decided its find a scapegoat time in this cruel and unfair world and think I make a good candidate.
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