Mama of 2 P's in a Pod

A good friend of mine has surgery tomorrow to remove a spot on the back of her arm that tested positive for melanoma. They are also removing some lymph nodes to make sure it has not spread to her lymphatic system. Stage two is her prognosis at the moment. And the melanoma usually comes back. She is 39 years old. A dear friend, and a wonderful mother and fire wife. She works in a hospice setting so she sees the reality of life more than most. I am praying that the doctors steady hand will get it all out and that they caught it early enough that her lymph nodes haven't been poisoned. But either way, its a scary dose of reality.

I was born with a name different than the one I grew up with. My mom left my biological dad when I was around 2 1/2 years old. She packed me up with the clothes on my back, my yellow baby and a few other items on a Kansas bound Greyhound bus. We left Florida and the family there. And when we left, it seems the glue that was holding that family together, came undone. That was the last time I saw Stan. We have talked through the years, mostly rambling letters and confusing phone calls. This year, my 34th birthday, was the only one that I can recall him telling me happy birthday. Thank goodness for texting, it truly has become the best way to communicate with him. There was a time when I was so angry at his lack of fathering that I refused to talk to him, and when I did, I was extremely rude. Especially the day he asked if he could give me away. But becoming a parent and a few other life lessons, have made me realize, that weekly texting is HIS way of being in my life. I don't want ...

Now that THAT is all said and done, I am onto the living that is my life. I spent a lot of time running while the girls were in arts camp these past two weeks. And one of my favorite songs has a part that says "We learn to live life out loud" and it made me think over and over how simple that concept, LLOL, truly is. I think over the past 24 hours, Kris and I have managed to set a good example of that. We took a whirlwind trip to St. Louis with the girls for a Dave Ramsey moment and it turned out to be one of the highlights of summer thus far. The girls have not stopped talking about seeing the Mississippi River and the Arch! Love seeing life through their eyes. And what beautiful eyes they are. The P's first Mississippi river encounter.....spitting to make a wish came right after this pic. The gateway to the West.... Checking out how sturdy the Arch really is... Big P is not quite sure she wants to go to the top... Little P was stoked...mommy played it like she w...

There have always been people in my life who chose to come and go as they please. Some are family so I have always felt as if I had no choice but to let them back in. But as I've grown into adulthood, there are times I wish I could tell them go somewhere else. Some missed quite a bit of my life, and while they made small attempts here and there, they never took the time to get to know me, and I have always felt a constant source of criticism and judgement in relation to them. Basically, I have never felt "good enough" for a few people in my life. Now, I know that I am good enough, but their hypocritical standards are hard to overlook sometimes. As a mother, I thought for a brief moment, the alienation and hurt I felt as a child had changed. They spent time with the P's, seemed excited about them, wanted to know them, and then, their true colors came out again. Some however, were not interested at all. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times they've actual...

Our first week of summer break went well. I let the girls have a week of staying up late, sleep in late and little structure. It backfired. Our girls need structure, so thankfully this week has started off as such. They have camp at an arts camp I attended as a kiddo. They love it and it is nice to have 2 1/2 hours a day to myself for the 10 days of camp. I am using the time wisely, run/walking and reading of course. I hope to get some much needed writing in soon. Lots of ideas floating through me as I've been run/walking. Can not wait! So here's to summer. Can't wait to enjoy it and make lots of memories!