Being a mommy...MAMA

Awhile back, I can't remember when exactly, I was pondering the meaning of life, mine in particular. I think it was around the time I felt life, my life, was slipping out of my hands. I felt that I needed to be "something" or do "something" that was worthy, that there had to be a job my husband and others could feel good saying I did. I thought at one point that job was a nurse. Not just any nurse, but an OB nurse. I thought that after the wonderful experiences I had having the P's, that it would only be natural to jump into that field. I thought about this, dreamt about this job for a long time. But reality set in, and after some careful thought, I realized I'm too emotionally attached to people to be a nurse. So I kept searching and kept wondering what my purpose was. I mean, apparently it wasn't as a Sports Anchor like I had dreamt of in high school and my first few years in college. I spent 10 years in television only to decide it wasn't my passion. Don't get me wrong, I love to write, I could spend all day writing, and writing. But the industry of TV is so different now, it is no longer a public service. It is now a sales-driven, political machine that makes it near impossible to have a family and be successful in that industry. So, I don't look back at my life in TV and wish I could go there again, that door has been closed. About a year ago, I got it in my head that I could share my love of writing with others and this lead me to thoughts of teaching. And not just any kind of teaching, but life as a high school Journalism/English teacher. I mean, I absolutely loved every moment of my journalism classes in high school. And despite a few eccentric teachers, I enjoyed English in high school too! And I still may pursue this career path, it works great with who I am and it would allow me more time with the P's which I seek. However, as I look back at what I've dreamt about being my entire life, whether its a sportscaster on ESPN, or my secret (not so secret anymore) dream of writing screenplays, I have realized that all of my hopes and dreams have already came true. They are found in the two little girls that God has trusted Kris and I with, my dreams are lived every day in the P's. Through their giggles, their smiles, their hugs and their kisses. Every breath they take is everything I could've dreamt of and more. So whether or not I'm a teacher, or I'm working in a bank or not working at all, my purpose is that of their mother, and it is a joy I could never thank God enough for.