Mama of 2 P's in a Pod

Operation Streamline

2012-01-26T20:20:00.000-06:00

Life as a parent gets hectic.Heck now-a-days, life as a child is hectic. There's dance, and softball and girl scouts and the other various activities we can get our children involved in. Kris and I vowed from the beginning to avoid becoming the "busy every night of the week parents." Not because we are selfish but because we've seen first hand what having children too involved does to them and we both agree its not good for any child to be so busy they can't enjoy anything. We have friends who allow their children to be involved in 5 or more activities at a time. I see how their kids quickly become burnt out and act up when they are being carted from one activity to another. I've also seen how these children don't know how to act when there is absolutely nothing going on. They can't entertain themselves. This is what I want to avoid!However, for some reason, our generation has decided to over do it on everything. Softball isn't just a summer pastime, its a year-round event. It's not just something fun to do fill up summer nights, it's a "get our little girl on track for a scholarship starting at age 8," activity. Let's get her in lessons, and then batting practice in January, let's fill up our schedule with practice this week and practice next week, and let's book every weekend from Spring to Fall in tournaments. Seriously? And we wonder why our kids get burnt out. Why they have absolutely no attention spans and why they're unhappy.We aim to limit the girls to two activities at a time. Both P's are in dance one night a week. I put them in classes that are back to back to avoid multiple nights at the dance studio. Yes, that means we are there for an hour and a half one night a week, but it works, for now. Big P is involved in basketball for the Upward program. It is a winter only activity and runs through the end of February. So there are her two activities, or so one would think. See above paragraph. I'm not blaming her coach, I blame the system and the fact that parents are so single-minded on being so damn competitive at 8 and under (yes 8!)that in order to compete and not get spanked every game like last year, we have to hold practices year-round. So there are three nights of our week...bam bam bam. Not to mention Saturday mornings reserved for her basketball games through the end of next month.I feel bad, almost like Little P is getting the shaft. Yes, she is in dance the same night as sister. She is also involved in first grade girl scouts, but that doesn't really count since their meetings are so sporatic. She wants music lessons. So I am lining up guitar lessons soon I hope. She played softball two years in a row, and while she has some talent there, she has decided she'd rather pursue gymnastics this summer. I have to find a way to give her the freedom to explore her own way and still support Big P in her activities. I don't know how families with more than two children juggle it. I do not want to be an every night of the week family! It doesn't work with our Fire/EMS schedules and my sanity.So we are looking at ways to streamline it all. And not end up paying major bucks to get our kids involved. Hoping to find some peace and the ability to maintain the fun in it all for both girls!

Transformation...here it is where I begin

2012-01-12T20:27:00.001-06:00

This post is about me...yikes. I don't even like typing that. But this is really for me, to look at and hold myself accountable. When I feel like giving in, I can look here and see what 'giving in' looks like.1st picture: Before the major weight gain settled in. Late May 1999 I believe. This is Kasey, my parents first yorkie. Miss that boy!

2nd picture: Kris and I's second Christmas, 2000. A quick 50 lb gain in just a year's time. And so it begins!

3rd picture: Kris and I Christmas 2001. This picture always makes me cringe. I wanted that sweater when I worked at Eddie Bauer for a holiday job so bad, no one told me I looked like a gigantic orange pumpkin!

4th picture: Me and my good friend "little Lisa" on my wedding day, July 13, 2002. We didn't think she was going to be able to make it, so this was after me being completely surprised. And anyone who is over 5'0 looks enormous next to her.

5th picture: Me and my dad on my wedding day. A size 24 bride....

6th picture: Kris and I on our wedding day...a very happy day, thankfully!

7th picture: And a year and a half later...9 months pregnant with Big P....the heaviest I've ever been.

8th picture: Big P, Jackie Harris & me December 18, 2003. Jackie was my anchor on the morning show at Channel 27. Such a joyous day!

9th picture: And a year after that...December 2004 me and Big P in Texas visiting the Dodds extended family. Little did I know that I was about two months along with little P here.

10th picture: Little P's baby shower June 2005...me and my cousins (I'm on the far right, not as big this pregnancy probably from chasing Big P around)

11th picture: July 2005....just about ready for Little P's arrival!

12th picture: October 2005: The P's, me and my brother Tim. Started to lose some weight...one of my many rebounds.

13th picture: April 2006, Little P and I at the in-laws...rebound in full swing.

14th picture: June 2006 The P's baptism...Aunt Brandi and Uncle Mike, their godparents. Brandi was pregnant with cousin Landon who would join us a couple of months later.

More pictures and reminders to come.Here we go!

Kids can be so honest and so cruel

2012-01-12T18:42:00.001-06:00

First off, Happy New Year! Here we are 12 days into a new year and I haven't blogged. Please don't tell my husband, but this awesome laptop he bought me for our anniversary hasn't been getting used like I said it would. Time to change that up a bit I guess! I've been blogging for almost 5 years now. And of those 5 years, probably 3 and half of those were spent on various roadblocks dealing with my weight loss journey. And it is a journey, sometimes one that I can seem to make some progress on and sometimes I seem to take a few steps back, or a few hundred. But through it all, it seems like I never follow through. I have big goals, big dreams but like a lot of things in my life, I allow life and the need to take care of everyone else come before taking care of myself. This is one of those things we do as parents, everyone else comes first. Well that really isn't working so well in my case. I will never be 150lbs, but I don't want to be where I am at the moment either. (Its over 200 lets not get too focused on the specifics people). I have weighed less, and I have weighed more, a lot more. And its not secret I've been overweight a long time. In fact, 12 of the 13 years my husband and I have been together have been spent in overweightville. I have been working on losing and getting healthy whole-heartedly for well over 6 months now. Like anyone else, I have my good days and my bad days. But I pick myself up and keep going. AND now that certain body parts are cooperating, who knew how important a thyroid really is?! The good news there is the ping-ponging of medicine and biopsies, and tests seem to have gotten through to my old stubborn Thyroid! But that is only part of this journey isn't it?Nothing gets through to a person like the cruel truth from a third grader.While walking in the hallway at school today, I ran into our neighbor T (reminder I do not use the names of children, the internet is a scary place)and a classmate outside of the gym. They looked a little rough and worn out so I asked if they were ok. T smiled and said, "Yea we just survived "Survivor Jog" in PE." I smiled and said truthfully, "I need to do that sometime with you guys." "Survivor Jog is a big deal at the school. Running for 20 minutes straight. I think it equates to almost a 5k, but a good thing for the kids and their fitness, heck anyone wanting to get in a good run. She nodded and said "yea that'd be cool," and they walked passed me. But in passing her classmate said, "She is too fat, she probably couldn't do it." I really wanted to turn around and stick my tongue out at that girl and say, "oh yea well wait until you go to college and work two jobs, then have babies, so there!" But the adult part of me kept walking and started thinking about what people really see when they look at me. And fat, is definitely something that comes to mind.Oh I get it all of the time. "Oh you're just a big girl." Really? Ya think? Or "you're tall so you carry it well." Fat is fat people, and I may be better at sucking it in than someone who is 5'4, but its all the same isn't it?So while I am not going to make any promises I will break on here next Tuesday, I am saying this. My New Year's goals (not resolutions) are summed up in the word, Accountable. Hoping to make some major progress soon. I will keep you blog fans posted and appreciate your prayers and support. And to you blog readers who aren't supportive, and you know who you are....watch me do what it is you think I can't. Maybe it will inspire you!

A crystal ball would come in handy....

2011-12-28T22:04:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, it'd be nice to get a glimpse into the future. Not to change its potential or cheat, but just to know that I and or we are headed in a good direction. And to just kind of see, that despite all of our faults, our procrastination, pays off at some point. But I know that we have to leave that up to faith and knowing that our plan is really not our own. But my patience is not the best.And my motivation hasn't been either. I hope my family can forgive me for my laziness and just lack of motivation all around lately.Tomorrow is a new day. For lots of reasons, but mostly to start holding myself accountable. Finish what I start. A New Year's resolution of sort, but more of a new life resolution. For myself. For my family and for our life together. And for the future.Little P and our friend M at Big P's 8th birthday party!

Big P and her besties!

Big P being crazy on her birthday!

The P's and their Sami! What a nice birthday surprise!

A Very Merry Christmas

2011-12-27T09:11:00.000-06:00

All 3 members of my family are sound asleep. Higbee and I are the only ones awake this Tuesday after Christmas. I'm sure the post Christmas exhaustion has settled in, but unfortunately so has some virus of some sort. I do believe Big P was up all night. She complained of various body aches and a headache most of the day yesterday. Overnight she said she felt nauseous, so after a Zofran and being nestled in mommy and daddy's bed, she has been asleep for almost 2 hours! Poor baby! There is no more of a helpless feeling in the world than when your child is sick.Little P is just a sleeper. She is our teenager, and could easily sleep until noon if we let her. I am enjoying watching her in her sleeping bag while I'm camped out on the couch with my laptop. Watching them sleep is very peaceful. In fact I am having a hard time not snuggling in next to her, but if I sleep past a certain time I feel groggy for the rest of the day. Our house looks like a Christmas explosion. Yesterday would have been my day to clean and conquer, but with a little girl who wanted mommy near her all day, and sleep, rainy Kansas weather, it just didn't happen. Today I was hoping to get out a bit, see an old friend who is in town, but we may be spending another day here at home. Maybe thats what we need. I need to get this house in order big time. But I guess I will just take it little by little and let my family rest during break. That is apparently what we all need.The girls had a great Christmas, despite some fears that being on the naughty list for awhile would leave them with disappointment Christmas morning, Santa came through. I am glad that we were able to keep the magic going another year. I hope that they remember what it felt like not knowing if Santa would come. But more importantly I think they understood the meaning of Christmas a little more this year. It was nice to have all 4 of us at Christmas Eve service, while it was long in the world of a 6-year-old, I think the message was pretty clear for all of us.We were able to spend time with my mom's side of the family as well as the Dodds family over the two day celebrations. It was the first time in a long time that almost my mom's entire family was in one place. A great way to spend the evening! But bittersweet just the same as changes will be occuring very soon. It was also bittersweet having to explain who everyone was to Oma. I miss the days of her being "with" us.The Dodds celebration was fun, as usual. The kids led the fun, with their sweet singing and loads of giggling. And while there were times we had to remind them to calm down some, it was a good family get together. Its always fun to see who got who's name and to watch the grandkids open their gifts. I'm sure the girls will be itching to ride their new bikes from Santa this week. Especially since our week will consist of weather in the 50's. Maybe this global warming thing is true. I am a little disappointed we haven't seen any winter weather yet, but I'm sure I will kick myself over that comment in a few short weeks.Here's to hoping we have a healthy, productive and fun rest of our break!

Love, happiness and everything in between

2011-12-13T22:31:00.001-06:00

I am happy to report that I am sitting in my bed, with my laptop, ignoring the laundry that is folded but needs put away. I promised a friend I would do something for me, even if its just 15 minutes of vegging, its for me. So here I am blogging. I was doing some Pinteresting, but that really can suck the time away and it makes me hungry, which is not a good thing at 10:18pm. But man, I am craving some cheesy potatoes! The girls went to bed without any fights tonight. We had a little 'come to Jesus' meeting earlier before Big P's basketball practice. (she is amazing at basketball by the way, such a natural. not to come across all braggy about my kiddo, but the girl has game!) We had the usual whining, fighting and just outright rudeness after school today and I had my limit! 'Santa' texted us before we went into practice and I have to say thank you to the man in red for getting through to the girls in a way I have been unable to! So thank you 'Santa' for helping restore the peace tonight! I am hoping this is the first step in finding peace in our house again!Last night my mom, mom-in-law, sister-in-law Brandi, sister-in-law Heather and Heather's mom went to the LOL Christmas event sponsored by the women's ministry at church. A night of sweet treats and christian comedians. Such a wonderful event and so very needed. Kris was on duty so my dad stepped up and watched the P's so mom and I could enjoy some adult time out. What a great night, and I could not have spent the time with better ladies. I laughed so hard I had actual tears streaming down my face. I need that every day. My goal for the rest of the year, is to find something to laugh at, even if it is myself. Which hey, laughing at ourselves isn't bad right?I love Chrismas music, and I would like to think I sound just like Celine Dion in her version of "O Holy Night" so just between you and me, I am that awesome of a singer. But to the rest of the world, I sound like the off key girl trying out for High School Musical. The P's are amazing singers, and not to brag too much on my girls, but they really have their daddy's knack for catching a song on key. And they have this amazing ability of memorizing a song the first time they hear it. Of course Little P was was singing "Jolly Ol' St. Nicklaus" the other day but her version was "Johnny Old Saint Nicklaus". How can you deny a child a huge smile when you hear that?! I am looking forward to Thursday night when their classes put on the Christmas Program at school. Looking forward to hearing and watching them perform! I'm sure one or both will ham it up. And I'm actually kind of hoping for that. There is nothing sweeter than hearing children sing Christmas songs. Of course they will be all dolled up, but would you expect anything less? Unfortunately their program is the same time as our Niece W's program. Can't make it to both, so hopefully no feelings are hurt!Kris was able to take his big brother B up to Manhattan today to meet KSU football coach Bill Snyder and get an autographed football for his Christmas present. I technically have B's name this year, but who can deny my husband a chance to put a huge smile on his brother's face? I certainly am not one to stand in the way of such a joyous and great gift. Even if it means my hubby has to leave his KU gear at home and walk amongst the Wildcats for a day. I am glad Kris has such a big heart and will do what he can to make something so special become a reality. He did the same thing last month for his dad's 65th birthday, only that trip was to Austin, TX to tour the Longhorn's stadium. Wonder what else he has up his sleeve?Well the bed is getting ever so comfy and I am ready to call it a night. Lots of goals I am setting for myself and writing, even if its rambling that probably one or two others will actually read, its still writing! So here's to you, you know who you are. Thanks for reminding me to inspire myself from time to time and that its ok to leave the laundry. Ok so that part I came up with on my own! :)

Its the most....crazy time of the year!

2011-12-11T20:30:00.001-06:00

Christmas is two weeks away. Big P turns 8 in one week. Needless to say December seems to always be one of the craziest, quickest and most expensive months. I love this time of year, don't get me wrong. I love being part of the magic and enjoying the family get togethers and most of all, watching the girls celebrate the birth of their Saviour. Thankfully, they know the reason for the season. But, like most kids, they are giddy over the excitement of it all, presents included.Along with just the craziness of schedules, extra activities, shopping, wrapping, decorating, cleaning, and everything in between, there are the changed attitudes we get from the children. Like most kids I'm sure, they are bouncing off the walls on a daily basis. They can't seem to stay off the naughty list, and over the past 48 hours, they have found their way to the top of that list. I am keeping my fingers crossed they can shape it up over the next two weeks, or birthday parties and Santa visits may come to a halt. This mama is at her wits end. The madness will continue, and I need to find a way to keep us all sane. Its hard to find that balance. Wow three boo hoo posts in a row. I'm sorry to my blog followers. I really am ok, life is amazing and we are blessed. Just feeling the stress all around. Did I mention our yellow lab is also batty? Ever since the move he has channeled his inner Marley and is driving me crazy. I'm thinking doggy reform school is in his near future! Big P and Little P aren't far behind!On a sad note, Big P's classmates are telling her Santa isn't real. I can tell she is in that hard place where she wants to believe but still questions it. We have had long talks with her. I am hoping that helps keep the magic in her heart. She is in that hard place of not being a little girl but not being a big girl either. It is so hard to watch her struggle with that. She isn't your typical sized soon to be 8-year old. She is 4'7 and wears a woman's shoe size. She towers over almost everyone her age and the grade above. I know how this feels and my heart goes out to her every day. I love this season and I pray that we are able to find a happier way to spend the next two weeks. No bad attitudes! No yelling, no fighting, no struggling to keep a sane household. Just peace, joy and feeling the love of the season. All I needed to do was look through pictures of the past few weeks and I remember why I am totally in love with my family. Sometimes a bad couple of days can make you forget the other 363 that were great! Big P and I just being goofballs. I love it when she and I can get along and enjoy spending time together.

Little P and her buddy E making gingerbread houses with their Daisy troops!

Our silly girls enjoing some frozen yogurt!

The P's and their Grinch shirts and toys. Wait. Are we promoting the Grinch attitude?!?!

Aunt Patty, my mom, Oma and the P's at Festival of Trees 2011!

This picture makes my heart melt. These are our P's, goofy, fun and creative!

Missing in action

2011-11-30T21:54:00.001-06:00

Life has a funny way of catching up to you when you get too busy to enjoy it.Tonight as I thought about my friends and life and the busy-ness of life lately I realized that only a handful of people we are close to have been to our home, our first actual HOME. It hits me personally for some reason, maybe it's a pity thing or an off night, but it makes me sad. I'm sad that my circle of friends seems to be more of a triangle lately. We are all in our own corners and wrapped up in life that we have lost the connection. I miss talking to my friends, text messages out of the blue with something funny that reminded them of me or vice versa. Dinners out even if for just an hour but because we need mommy time and we need to hear each other laugh. It seems to have gotten lost along the way and I am sad. I miss that connection and I wish I knew how to fix it.

I suck at surprises!

2011-11-23T21:09:00.001-06:00

I really do. I want so badly to spill the beans before the person I am supposed to be surprising is supposed to find out.I usually avoid them it makes it easier.But tomorrow is the day. I can finally stop keeping a secret......NO! Its not what some of you may be thinking. As a matter of fact why do people always assume when a married woman has a secret its that shes knocked up?!?! Sheesh!My mother-in-law has always had someone take a grandkid picture each Thanksgiving. This year we hired a good friend of mine, Brie Halseth, to capture the grandkids, all 9 of them professionally. Especially now that we have a new edition.And the pictures are REALLY REALLY good! So its so hard to not share them! SO since I doubt she will read my blog, here are the pics!!!LOVE THEM!!!Such cute kids!

So sweet!

A & S brother & sister...they are so grown now! I remember when they were the age of our P's!

W, V & Baby C...sisters!

Of course they just had their pictures taken, but the P's love it!

L & A....The only two boys in a sea of girls!

LOVE!

My favorite!

Stomach O'Stress

2011-11-10T14:47:00.000-06:00

So today I am being lazy, which sometimes is hard for me. But today is necessary since I have another stomach bug. Hoping this one is as short lived as Kris' was. This will be round number 2 for me since we moved. Hoping it skips the girls completely again!I know its a bug, I can feel its a bug, but I also know 24 days of limbo thanks to the largest bank in America has taken a toll on my stomach. Unfortunately for me, my stress goes straight to my stomach. I won't go into great details but thank God for whoever invented modern plumbing. Hey maybe this will help my scale go down a little.So instead of sleeping again, which I've done off and on since the girls got on the bus, I am being a couch potato, laptop in hand and dog under my feet.I am excited about the holidays. I know its a bit of a downer for our family who was gearing up for Disney World this time last year. We loved it, every moment! So I am hoping to get all of them just as excited this holiday season. Our goal is to head back there next November. I know its a bit of a stretch now that we've added a mortgage. But we wanted it bad enough last time so we just have to plan for it again! Looking forward to making new memories there but trying to stay focused on making new memories here.I have a lot of ideas on how to decorate each room, just wish I had the budget. So I am taking it one room at a time and am going to keep an eye out for things I like and things that jump out and look like our family. Big P is all about the peace signs and anything turquoise. Little P is staying little thankfully, she wants a castle room, much like that of Rapunzel's in Tangled. So we have that. They will be getting things for their rooms for part of their Christmas presents this year. Can't wait to see their personalities come out.Kris and I are taking personal goals and meshing them so that we can compete in a fun way but also be more supportive. I'm excited about that.Wow lots of rambling here....maybe I should take another nap!

Closed and breathing again!

2011-11-08T20:08:00.000-06:00

We closed. Finally! It only took 24 days from the day we moved in! Thank goodness we were blessed with amazing sellers and a rockstar Realtor! We are officially homeowners, 10 years in the making! I am proud of Kris and all the hard work he put into getting us here. A lot of weeks with just me in the mom and dad seat on my own. Its been worth it! Now to enjoy the home and make it our own. Wouldn't it be awesome to have like a surprise fund to get things decorated like you want? I didn't realize how expensive paint and things of that nature are...sheesh! One room at a time!We have had a fun couple of weeks getting settled into the homeowner status. We enjoyed Halloween with the girls. One of the few Kris has actually had off to trick or treat with us. The girls came up with their own costumes this year. They re-used their recital costumes and turned them into Pizza Planet Aliens thanks to homemade antennas and covered pizza boxes. It was a great time and beautiful weather for us to enjoy it! My mom handed candy out at our house, 57 trick or treaters! Not too shabby! Of course we have a HUGE bowl of candy to stare at. Our girls are thankfully not pre-occupied with it. Instead they've been begging for the yogurt drinks and tomatoes in the refrigerator. We must be doing something right!

Aliens in front of our house!

Daddy and Big P watching the hippos at Boo at the Zoo!

The P's and their cousins ready for Trick or Treating!My mom and I took the girls to visit Santa this weekend. Wow Christmas is just around the corner. So excited to decorate the house. Trying to hold myself back from doing it too early! They have simple requests this year. New bikes. What kiddo wouldn't want a new bike for Christmas. Now to have Santa budget for that.Christmas will be bittersweet for my side this year. Lots of changes in store but long overdue changes. I hope to offer some balance for my parents on their journey and I hope cordial and loyalty will rise above any pain. Their granddaughters need them, both of them!Update on our weight loss journey! Kris is doing awesome working out with the boys at work. I can see major changes in him daily. I know he wants faster results but I will take these slower ones because the are taking him on a better journey. I hope he continues to find time to do this for him! I am down 15 lbs from April, not a huge number but a number just the same. And I see the latest loss as hopeful that my thyroid is finally getting tricked into working again?! Here's to hoping! I have lost 10 inches from around my waist! SCORE! I need new jeans because mine are too big. Too bad I am not good at shopping for myself!On a totally unrelated note. A good friend of ours took our family pictures a few weeks ago. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM! She rocks and I am so grateful to have something amazing to hang on our bare walls! Thank you Brie!!

Still waiting....

2011-10-15T22:18:00.001-05:00

I am not a very patient person. I try to be. I pretend to be. But really I am not. I have learned to be a bit more flexible in this area as a mom, but am not very good at it. Its something that I continue to work on and work on and work on. So while we are still waiting, I am still not patient. And that is wearing on everyone I believe.I am looking forward to having a non-stressed out family night in our new home. I pray that is soon. In the meantime, here are some pictures some of the highlights we've had these past few months. Hoping to add pictures of a closed on house very soon...again with the patience!The P's and cousin Shelby headed to the Taylor Swift concert in Kansas City! Those binoculars came in handy!

The P's ready for the concert....posing of course!

A very happy Little P!

A few nights later, Kris & I got to get away a bit to KC to watch our Pittsburgh Penquins take on the LA Kings....

The hockey dorks I mean brothers....

The P's getting ready to ride the bus from the new house for the first time! Excitement!!

The P's at the park in Wamego waiting for a very exciting baby shower. We fell in love with that town!

The P's, my mama and Oma in Wamego!

I went to get school lunches packed the other night and this is what I found, Little P and Higbee...a very sweet moment!

Hurry Up & Wait

2011-10-13T18:39:00.002-05:00

There have been a lot of changes in the Dodds' household. One of the biggest, is the house. We moved the first weekend in October, literally just down the road but now live outside of town. It was a whirlwind to get to this point and we are still caught up in the whirl of it all.

While this is a good move, the outcome of a dream Kris and I have had for a long time, its a very stressful one and will continue to be until all of the papers are signed and everything is done. Until that point, our lives are in limbo. I keep telling myself that we have come this far, another week or two of waiting is better than not being here at all. There are the dark moments though that creep in when sleep deprivation settles in. But we are vowing to keep positive and try to find our way around the boxes and make it our own.

The girls are loving it of course. Their own rooms and they get to ride the bus to school most days. Its nice to hear their ideas on how to decorate or listen to them pretend they have their own apartments. Of course this makes me a little sad to think that some day they will be in their own apartments. But for now, they are safely in our home. We have of course pinpointed who the messier of the two is, and its not who we originally suspected. Maybe once we get their rooms done and more settled in, they will both take better care of things.

Higbee is loving the house, and the yard, despite some pissy neighbor or neighbors who were kind enough to leave a lovely note in our mailbox concerning his desire to be vocal. I can not wait until we get a fence up. I love to see him run around the yard.

Kris has been such a trooper. He got us an amazing group of movers and had it all organized and ready. (though I have to give myself some credit for doing the packing and pre-move organization =) On Sunday of the move weekend, I came down with the lovely stomach bug that has swept its way through our school. I really started feeling yucky late Saturday night, but Sunday was not a good day for me. My mom was there to help with Little P and with the unpacking mode. Thank goodness for her and for Kris. I was able to spend a great deal of the day in the bedroom or shall I say bathroom?! Big P was gone at a softball tourney and I am grateful that neither she or Little P have had the bug. (knock on wood)

I have been dealing with some unnecessary drama at work. I won't go into too much detail, to ensure no one is hurt by anything I post. But long story short, there are people out there who do not and can not be happy for others. I am trying very hard to be the bigger person and have been reassured by those who matter that I am doing everything right and shouldn't worry. That said, it saddens me to know people are so petty.

On the upside again, Kris is rocking the weight loss! He finished his first 5K the Saturday we moved. We did the Race Against Breast Cancer 5K. He ran and I walked it. I am very proud of him. He like every man, has lost weight pretty quickly, annoying as a woman but still proud just the same. There is a nice health kick sweeping through our family and I hope we can continue. Tonight though, I am enjoying an iced coffee and a slice of cheesecake at a local coffee shop as I enjoy some time alone. Tomorrow, calories will be tracked a little better!

Life is good. And though some things are at the standstill point, I have an amazing family who is healthy and happy and I could not ask for more. Pictures to come after I update my Iphone...wish me luck!

Where did summer go?

2011-08-08T22:57:00.004-05:00

Would someone please tell me where the heck this summer wandered off to? It seems just like I was watching my family blow stuff up and we were celebrating our country. Now, we are almost in the middle of August and starting a new school year!

I am pretty sure our summer got sucked up by those triple digit temperatures we dealt with for like 3 weeks?! Maybe thats where it went. Either way, it has flown by!

I would like to say I got my projects completed. But no I didn't. I got a few done, but our house right now, looks like a hurricane or an F-3 tornado hit it. The girls room, sigh, is what it is. However, 7 am will come early when I wake them up to get to work on it.

I would also like to say I got a lot of writing done. But no, I didn't.

I can say however, we enjoyed the summer of swimming, playing, and more swimming. The girls got quite a bit accomplished in their list of things they wanted to do. Big P passed her swim lessons with flying colors and Little P learned how to ride her bike sans training wheels. We spent a lot of time at the ball diamonds, once the rainouts were done. We spent a lot of time, and I mean a lot, by the Dodds pool. And we spent a lot of time just enjoying each other. So no, the projects still need some love, but I can gratefully say that the girls won't need to say the same. Of course they will always need love, but you get my point.

I head back a week from today. And I am excited about being part of the school year from the start. I got hired full time last October, so I missed the back to school madness and excitement. The girls start two days after me, and I'm pretty sure Kris is doing a happy dance. We messed with his routine. ;)

The P's are excited too. Big P got the teacher she really wanted, though I think she would have been happy with any of the 3. Little P was sad, her kindergarten teacher got bumped up to first this year and she just assumed she was going to be in her class again. That bottom lip came out at enrollment and I am pretty sure she broke her kindergarten teacher's heart. But we seemed to have changed her mind some and now she is a little more excited for her new teacher. I have to admit, I was a tad disappointed too. We've had Mrs. J for two years, one for Big P and the second for Little P. But she has become a great friend and co-worker so she's still stuck with the Dodds family!

Our road to buying our first home is finally hitting a mile marker that allows us to see the path. We have some choices to make, whether to buy outright or build, but we know now that our dream is now becoming reality and while its stressful, it is exciting. I can't wait to slap some color on the walls. Living with white walls and "apartment" carpet can only happen for so long! And I'd love to see the look of accomplishment on Kris' face when we walk through our own front door! Super excited and can't wait for the next step! Sadly, there are those out there who would like to spoil this occasion, but those people, are now being granted the balcony seats in our lives. The ones who want to celebrate our successes get the front row ones!

I am making a list of goals for this school year and one of them is to add some reason to our hecticness. Does that even make sense? But last year, we seemed to just go with the madness that became our lives. School, work, dance, a shift here and a shift there, sports, girl scouts, dinner, homework, reading, bedtime, quality time with Higbee, family events, more work...it was chaotic and ridiculous. I remember sitting in the girls' dance class Tuesday after Tuesday mad because I wasn't making better use of our time. Given, I went from part-time working as I wanted as a sub, to wow its Friday and I start full-time Monday. So a lot of that time was playing catch up. Now, we will make the most of every day. Mommy will get up at 5:15 am to spend some time on me, working out. Lunches and clothes picked out each night before, dance bags packed in car Sunday night for Mondays almost two hours of dance studio time. After school bike rides and walking dog instead of rushing home to do dinner. You get the idea I hope. Life is only as rushed as we make it, I want the girls to not be stressed, or ignored. And I am nipping this whole mindless eating in front of the tv thing in the bud!

Because before we know it, Summer 2012 will be here as quickly as Summer 2011 went by!

Being a grown up stinks...sometimes

2011-08-01T23:39:00.002-05:00

There are a few things in life that seem to always catch me off guard. One of those being how people live up to my expectations. And yes I know that most people can't live up to their own, let alone mine. But the degree of disappointment or sadness I feel is still very real, no matter how realistic my expectations are or not. Add into that my expectations for how they own to my children and yes I realize, most people will fail us. But, this still doesn't take away from surprise.

Some of this recent blogging headache is too personal to share with the world of blogs. But it is truly saddening and in some ways makes me downright, wanna kick a chair angry. I wish adults would realize their actions or lack of, have such an effect on so many others. And I wish some people would just grow up!

That said, sometimes being an adult stinks! I miss the beauty and innocence of life as a child. And I will fight tooth and nail to ensure my daughters don't lose any of that too soon, expectations met or not!

Last one...

2011-07-28T08:54:00.001-05:00

The last lazy day of summer.
Let the girls sleep in.
Went back to bed after Kris left for work.
Still laying in bed, blogging.
Going swimming later.
May do some laundry.
May make the bed. (ok I will make the bed, the one thing I do every day to make it seem like I accomplished something!)
May start my kitchen project.
May play barbies or lps.
May make a picnic for our living room for lunch.
May take the girls biking tonight while I run.
May go see Kris at the station.

May do lots of things, but first to enjoy this last lazy day!

Birthday fun & more

2011-07-22T10:31:00.014-05:00

Little P turned 6 last Thursday. I find it unbelievable how quickly time seems to fly when it comes to children and how they grow. It seems like only yesterday she was toddling away trying so hard to walk good enough to keep up with big sister. Now, she is headed into first grade, FIRST GRADE! Yikes!

Being Little P's mom has been a blessing in so many ways. While she is definitely our entertainer, she has always been my saving grace. Her sweet eyes and amazing smile have always found their special place in my heart. She is truly a mama's girl. And most days, I love this. There are times however, I feel maybe we've babied her too much. But she is the baby, and I'm sure this is a thought of every parent.

She is a joy to have around. Her honesty is such an asset. I wish more kids were as honest as she is. We have had a few moments when that has been a tad embarrassing, and we've had to tell her there are some things we don't repeat in public or tell everyone. But again, her honesty is such a blessing. She hasn't learned to lie yet, and I hope she stays that way.

A sweet birthday slumber party with big sister.

Her birthday list kept changing, everything from an Ipad (yea right), to a new bike (thinking Santa will bring this) and finally a makeup case.

Homemade birthday cake at Grandma & Grandpa's...mommy didn't do too bad!

We had a day with Grandma Pat & Pappo on her actual bday. Daddy was on duty so we did visit the boys at 8's. Grandma Darlene & Grandpa Dan rounded out the day with a nice birthday dinner. We threw a party for her the following day, in 104 degree heat outside, at the Sonic playplace. We were a little worried about the heat but, all in all it was an awesome party with great family and friends. So blessed to have these people in our lives. Sadly, we had a few family members who are deployed and we pray for their safe return!

A hot birthday party!

Butterfly cupcakes provided by Aunt Patty....

Blowing out 6 candles....

A great party!

Little P at age 2...

And now at age 6...still a ham!

Now the back-to-school countdown has began. 3 weeks from today the girls go back, and I start back that Monday. Again, so incredibly happy and blessed with my job. I love being close to the girls, being off when they are off and having a job that allows me to be a mom first. It will be pretty crazy getting back into the routine, but I am looking forward to it and to much cooler temperatures. Fall is one of my favorite seasons, ok I like all 4 seasons but its on the top of my list.

A full summer

2011-07-14T20:04:00.008-05:00

Its been a pretty busy summer here. It almost seems to have flown by in some ways and seems to standstill in others. The P's have been pretty busy with softball, dance recital, swim lesson (I think they've swam every day this summer) and lots of fun times with family. I've enjoyed being home with them again this year. Its a learning experience every time. I had the chance to watch two little girls, and while the time they did spend with us was fun, I definitely like being on our own schedule. So I don't think doing summer child care will be in my future. I'm kind of selfish I guess, I like my time with the girls and with Kris and the flexibility of doing what we want, when we want. And considering my time during the school year is with other peoples' children, I don't want that year-round.

Little P had the opportunity to go to the Melody Brown Fun Factory for two weeks in June. I went to this arts camp when I was her age and loved it. She did too. She is our entertainer, and this was her chance to do something all on her own. She rocked it as she always does.

Big P had her first real season of softball, and it was a rude awakening. We were used to the comraderie of instructional t-ball. That was no where to be found in the 8 and under league. Not only do the girls do their own pitching, but parents are already brutal and she got her first taste of poor sportsmanship. It was also a huge shock cost-wise. I am now the Peaches' treasurer for next season, so hopefully we can raise most of the funds so parents aren't feeling the pinch. Especially if we end up having Little P on the team too!

Swim lessons were bittersweet this year. Our friend Carrie passed away this January, and aside from being our friend, she was also the girls' swim coach for the past few summers. So, with a heavy heart, we enrolled the girls with another local family of swim coaches. The P's rocked it of course. Big P is part fish. She has no fear and wants to swim, swim, swim. Little P went from being afraid to jumping right in and going under. Lots of progress made this summer, and I know we will be spending the last few weeks out in the water. Carrie would be proud!

Kris and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary this week, yesterday as a matter of fact. It has been a long but good 9 years. There were times along the way that I'm sure both of us weren't sure we'd see this milestone. But we are here and every bump and bend in the road has brought us here. We are closer to a few of our own personal and marrital dreams, that it feels good. We are very blessed as a family, and while its not always a life and schedule others can understand, it is who we are. Praying that a huge achievement can finally be met this fall.

There are some bittersweet moments in my family at the moment. Some major changes in family elements on my side. This is very personal and until decisions are made I will leave it at this, but I pray that everyone involved finds peace and growth in the choices being made.

That said, I have enjoyed watching our girls grow this summer. They have such incredible imaginations, and great personalities. There are times though, that these great blessings, also drive me bananas! I have to remember to find balance and that they are just 7 and soon to be 6!! (I can't believe our baby is going to be 6!!!!) They are the best things Kris and I have ever done and I love watching the world through their eyes. The next few weeks will be our "back to school" routine and structure. Should be a challenge but I'm up for it!

On a fun note, I get to get away this weekend. A bunch of ladies I work with and I are going to see the New Kids on the Block and Back Street Boys Saturday. Its my first time away from the family, EVER. Like overnight and out and about. I'm a little nervous, like in a total irrational kind of way. But I worry that it won't be as fun as I hoped and I worry about the stupid things I don't want to say in a blog. But I'm just going to go with it. Thanks to Kris and my aunt Patty for taking care of the P's. They won't miss me I'm sure!

On a totally awesome note, I have a new laptop. One that doesn't take 10 years to get booted up and allows me to get to where I wanna go when I wanna go there! So I am hoping to sit down and write this summer, well whats left of it. My book so needs me!

Kris and his big brother Shawn wiring up their 4th of July fun...missing Uncle B who is deployed right now. Not the same missing one of the 3 Dodds boys.

Like father like daughters...our girls enjoy all of the fun of 4th of July!

The P's and my mom enjoying a 4th of July tradition, pancakes at Buena Terra, where Kris and I got married 9 years ago!

Just one of the many days the P's have spent at the pool!

Big P up to bat!

Little P making her catching debut!

Big P and I!

The Happiness Project

2011-05-26T14:34:00.004-05:00

Today is the first day of summer break. And amazingly I've managed to cram it full of catch up housework, errands (including an invigorating trip to the tag office) and a little of this and a little of that. However, the P's were amazing waiting in line for an hour and 15 minutes. That little burst of surprise has put some joy into my day. Its made up for the fighting they've already decided to partake in and the turtle bob neck thing Little P did when she was telling on her sister. (so hard to not laugh during that moment).

But today is also the first day of a few "projects" here at home and here at Liz. I found a blog called the "happiness project" and while I won't be doing it all word for word the way the blog's author does, there are some great ideas and advice on this site.

Sooooooo I am doing my own happiness project. Hoping that with finding my way to true happiness within myself and my home, that others around me, the people I live and breathe for, will do the same. Sounds good eh?

First off....clean and organize our home. Its our home, it needs to be happy. Clutter and mess is a necessary evil when you have busy lives filled with kiddos. However, there is that and then there is funk. Right now we are in full funk mode. So I am spending the first few days de-funking our home. That is a lot of work but SO needed. And while they may not realize it, the P's will be taking part.

Once we get past FUNK mode, we jump right into organize mode. Room by room, corner by corner. I'm getting rid of the things that clutter our home. I'm cleaning the corners, the carpets, the furniture and finding a place for every thing we need to keep. Quite a feat to take on, but it will make me happier. And in turn, everyone happier when they know what to expect.

Next, actually at the same time, is operation de-funk ME. I had a bit of a scare, not really a scare, but more of a wake up call last week. While going for my "no your thyroid is still not working, but lets get another ultrasound" appointment, they decided to test me for Diabetes to make sure they are fighting the right culprit. So of course hearing the D word made me think a little bit harder about what it is I've done to my body. My weight has been an issue for more than 10 years now. 10 flippin years of excess....that is clearly enough! Now throw in the D word and you might as well put me on the Biggest Loser. Thankfully I have a friend who is hard core, like watch out Jilian Michaels, here is Jill! She is phenomenal. She has been where I am, and back and now has found the way to go. She has offered to make sure the D word is never mentioned in my life again. I am ready for this. I have said it a million times and probably 100 blog posts before, but I am ready. I'm done with this fat thing and ready to be fit. I hope that others I love and care about will be joining me. Much more fun when its a group effort.

And most importantly, amidst the de-clutter, de-funk and other personal goals, there is the enjoying of the amazing gifts God gave Kris and I. The P's. I have been very much wrapped into getting them here, getting them there, school, softball, dance and everything in between. I've managed to make it so our time together is too busy for just the simple things. So here we are. Their happiness is so important and I want to make sure they live long,full and happy lives. Thus we have the Happiness Project.

So I hope you will enjoy my many entries over the summer. Everything from updates on various levels of this project to posts full of the sweet faces of the P's!

April fool

2011-04-01T23:06:00.002-05:00

Today is a day to pull pranks out and use them on friends, family and co-workers. I did a little of that myself, to make people I care about laugh or at least smile.

But the foolishness of it all and the ability to fool others has left me with a heavy heart tonight. For reasons I can't explain in a blog, I feel a bit like an April fool.

For so many reasons, but truly boiling down to one, I keep fooling myself into failing. And not necessarily full failure, but the brink of it. Unfinished goals and sloppy results.

New month, new start? I hope.

Lifes what you make it (not to be confused with the Hannah Montana song)

2011-03-25T16:13:00.008-05:00

I haven't blogged in quite some time. Partly because getting my grumpy ol' computer to work is a challenge sometimes, and partly because I've allowed myself to get in a negative trap set by someone who doesn't deserve my time.

SO here I am. Lots of wonderful happenings in life. Just haven't blogged them. The P's and I are on spring break right now, actually today is the last day of that, but its been a fun week! We even had Kris home for 3 days of it and we spent as much time outside as a family as possible! Then mother nature decided she didn't like the spring weather she was giving us and decided to give us a bit more winter. So we have been stuck inside for a few days, and tomorrow, oh tomorrow, they're calling for more of the s-word! BOO! But here in a few months the s-word won't even come up.

Big P had a friend spend the night last night. I was a bit nervous because some of our recent non-family sleepovers have been a bust. But Miss R was incredible to Big P and even Little P. No one was left out. And I thoroughly enjoyed listening to their conversations as they played. They were little girls, nothing over the top and no one tried to be older than 7 and 5. I loved it and I am sure R will be over again really soon. But Little P gets to have a friend first, that might be a bit more interesting!

I have been working out just about every other day, and keeping up on my food log on my phone. Haven't seen much from the scale but I am hopeful. I would like to lose 10%by my birthday. SO how is that gonna happen? I'm going to keep at it and maybe add a few more exercise days in. My ultimate goal is to exercise every day, whether its me vs. Jillian Michaels at home, running at the lake or Jazzercize which I love, love, love! The best part? My family is joining the bug! Kris has been playing hockey again and has gone to gym (fingers crossed he likes it and keeps going). The P's have done some bike riding, park playing, running fools. Love it! That is the whole point of getting healthy and living a healthy lifestyle, to make it second nature for them, which doesn't seem like such a feat after all. Ok Mr. Scale, move darn it.

This is quite the rambling post isn't it?

One moment of touching the negative in my life. After much consideration and some really non G-rated words, I've decided to let the negative person in my life go. Unfortunately I can't actually kick this person out of my life, we are all kind of stuck with this person. But I can no longer let this person's stupid choices, stupid words and stupid desires reign over my life. In fact I don't think I actually ever let it, but I've spent too much time thinking about their stupidity. I am going to make sure their stupid actions are called out as they happen and I am going to get my family back. Back in the sense that we are all loving life again regardless of having this person in it. Life is an amazing ride, and if someone wants to take the negative bus, I'm willing to drop them off at the nearest stop.

Whew...that was nice to get out there.

I have some goals I'm working on and am going to keep myself centered and happy and love the life I've been blessed with. There is always going to be laundry to fold (yuck), toilets to clean (double yuck) and responsibilities that are just not fun. But then there are the amazing parts, the deep belly laugh of Big P, Little P's way of coming up and loving on me just when I need a good snuggle, and hearing their sweet little voices yell "Daddy's home!" Life is amazing. And I am grateful for the journey!

Randoms

2011-01-30T21:29:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is the last day of January and I have to say I'm glad to see this month end. What a cold, sad and just long month! February always means we are closer to spring, my second favorite time of year! Sadly, our forecast here in the good ol' Sunflower State this week calls for ice, snow and more snow topped with a warm high of 11 degrees on most days! Sigh! I guess we get all 4 seasons here right?!

Tomorrow I also get to start my 'living life' challenge! I am weighing in and sharing my weight with a good friend. We will become Monday buddies and keep each other on task to losing weight and getting healthy. It's not a diet for me, its simply a life change! And I have a lot of changes to make! So Carrie, my dear sweet friend we lost too soon, this ones for you!

Have I mentioned how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband, happy and amazing daughters and the best friends and family a girl could ever ask for? Well I've got it all and I'm so grateful!

Time keeps on ticking....

2011-01-15T21:48:00.002-06:00

Its been a month since I posted, not because I didn't want to, but because seriously life has been busy! Busy with sick kiddos, busy with work, busy with housework, busy with, well life.

And sadly, with the end of a life. The friend who was put on life support almost a month ago, will be taken off soon. And my heart is breaking for her short life. As a mother, the thought of not being here to watch our daughters grow up, makes me incredibly sad beyond belief. Her children are so young, her daughter is big P's age and her son turned 9 yesterday. Not to mention the tremendous sadness her husband must feel after having to face and make a decision like this. My heart goes out to her family.

I've had our friend on my mind quite a bit here recently. At first, like everyone else, I had hope and prayed daily that she would be lifted up and come back to her family. But as time grew on and the tests results came back, it became obvious that she is no longer with us. And as this reality hits, I find myself extremely sad but grateful I was able to know her.

She had multiple health issues that sometimes made it hard for her to get out of bed on a daily basis. And as a mom of two active kiddos, I can't imagine not being there and knowing that you have to rely so much on your husband to step into those shoes. I listened to her sadness about this and offered as much support as I could. Part of her health problems included a never ending battle with her weight. She had some success in shedding the pounds, but she was constantly struggling with how she looked and how she thought she should look. But we all thought she was a beautiful woman, inside and out. And while thinking about her struggle and journey to a healthier life, it has really made me think about my constant battle with this as well. Wouldn't it be the ultimate tribute to finish my health-bound journey in her honor? Hmmmm....

So please take a moment Monday for a woman who will officially be gone from her family and friends and finally no longer dealing with the roller coaster ride that was her health. Please remember her loving and caring husband who now takes on the role of full-time parent on a permanent basis. And please think of her children, who will always have a void in their heart where their mother should be.

Praying for the best

2010-12-20T21:43:00.003-06:00

A dear friend of ours is lying in a hospital bed clinging to life right now, while our other dear friend, her husband watches in fear!
I won't go into details of how she got there, actually they don't even know, but the scary reality of it is she may not be home for this Christmas or any for that matter! It's a terrifying reminder of just how fragile life truly can be! It's scary to know a 31-yr-old mom of two may not make it through the week! And it's even more scary to know the fear and uncertainty her husband is dealing with moment by moment, and the idea of having to make some tough choices is terrifying!
So prayers please that her body and will is strong enough to pull through and that the doctors are able to find a cause and effect!

Tis the season to be....a Grinch?

2010-12-11T11:36:00.002-06:00

I love this time of year, usually! I love the magic I see in the girls' eyes as they enjoy all of excitement and magic! I love hearing them sing Christmas songs ever so sweetly! I love hearing their Christmas wish lists when they sit on Santa's lap! But this year, I've found myself in a bit of a grinch-like slump! I'm not even sure why really!

I think a bit of it is post-magical vacation let down. Real life is not as magical as the magic kingdom! It's dirty and full of rude, hateful people! And that stinks! I think life would be much sweeter if the whole world was like the magic kingdom!

Ok yes, thats silly, but that's all I've got! Actually I think it is a mixture of post vacation, straight into thanksgiving, sick kiddo for 6 days and lack of preparedness for Christmas! Normally, I'm done shopping by now an everything is wrapped! Then I focus on big P's birthday which is a week from today! But that hasn't happened! I won't finish it until next weekend which has a bit of panic creeping in! I heard that song by Faith Hill last night, 'Where Are You Christmas?' and I totally get it!

I know Christmas is not about presents or being prepared, but I just feel a bit overwhelmed this year! So I'm in search of my christmas cheer this year! (ok that was a lot of rhyming!)

I did find a little of it last night listening to the P's and my nieces sing in the car! Hearing them sing 'Away in a manger' was incredible! So here's to enjoying (trying very hard!) the rest of this blessed season and remembering the joy of the above examples of Christmas spirit!

We're back....and down for the count!

2010-11-28T21:06:00.002-06:00

We got back from the happiest place on Earth last Monday and have been going, going, going since! Thanksgiving mid-week followed by a mean strain of the flu for little P! I had plans to go Black Friday shopping with my mom (for the first time) and went to bed Thursday hoping to get rested up! Well around 1 Friday morning I was woken up by a sad and sick little girl! And she's been sick ever since! A hospital visit has cut back on the vomiting, but she hasn't kept much in her little body! So we are resting, and I mean we, she does not want me put of her sight! So no school for us! I feel bad because we missed 6 days for vacation! But life goes on! So I promise great pics from Disney World at some point! For now, I'm on the couch with my snuggle bug!

Its the final countdown...(insert cheesy 80's song)

2010-11-08T21:14:00.003-06:00

We leave for Disney World in 4 days, 2 hours, 46 minutes and 57 seconds...but who's counting?

I have begun the laundry sort through (on top of the normal laundry doing) to figure out what to pack.

Here, the weather will be a cool, fall high of 59 most of the 8 days we are gone. Florida, specifically Disney-ish area will be 83-85 degrees most days. So I'm putting a nice assortment of crop pants and jeans in our suitcases. Mix in a few pairs of flip flops and the oh-so-necessary pairs of tennis shoes to be comfy in, and its a lot to get done. We did the run for travel size items tonight at Target. Thankfully Kris is helping sort all of the items we need to bring (ie: gift cards we got for the girls to use, lanyards for their Disney passes and trading pins). Its a big task. But one that will be well worth it all!

Thank goodness for family! We are staying with my cousin Sam who lives near the airport so we don't have to start our trip off getting the P's up at 4 am to go through airport security. She is the definition of awesome!

And I am so excited about seeing my NanNu! I haven't seen her since 1998 and before that 1980! That is too long of a span to see your grandmother! Not to mention the other family I will see, and get to introduce MY family to! Some of them have not seen me since we left Florida!

This trip is such a blessing and I thank God every day we were able to hunker down and do it! Now its time to enjoy that hard work and enjoy the 8 straight days of family time we've never, ever had!

So my next post shall be full of pictures from the happiest place on earth!

I'm finally in preschool!

2010-10-26T21:25:00.003-05:00

Yes, that may sound strange! But 1) I never got to go to preschool, my parents made too much money for headstart (which is a joke!) and there weren't many other affordable options back then! And 2) I got hired as a permanent para in the preschool room at the girls' school!!!

I could not have asked for a better place to call 'home'! I work with and for two awesome ladies! And the kiddos are so entertaining and a blessing to work with! I get paid to fingerprint!!

A few not-so-downsides, I'm exhausted! This is my second week. Found out I got it last Monday, started last Tuesday! So finding a way to get back into the full-time work routine has been a challenge! Now juggling housework, kiddo time (our own) and hubby time as well as time for Mr. Higbee is my biggest goal! That and working out time! I can feel the sluggish non-working out feeling settle in and it's not pretty!!
But I can do it!!! I've got some great people who inspire me to get going everyday!

Oh and I found glitter in my contacts last night after yesterday's letter G project! Weird thing is it didn't bother me all day!

The girls love having me at school all of the time!

So thank you to all of you for your prayers! They do work!!

Side note: super proud of my hubby and the TFD football team! They beat the Topeka police dept. In the battle of the badges game finally!!

And yes, I know I promised pictures!!

Ah, Fall is here!

2010-10-05T22:40:00.006-05:00

We love this time of year so you will probably be seeing lots of pictures of the P's as we enjoy Fall!

Here are a few from our church's recent Fall Festival. Again, what a blessing to be part of such a great worship community!

The P's and their friends, K, M & G!!!

Little P coming down a corn maize slide!

Big P swinging away!

Having a blast on the giant jumping thingy!

So you asked and I shall answer....

2010-10-05T22:24:00.002-05:00

I was asked the other day what I "Did" by another parent at the girls' dance class. When I said I was home, I got the blank look on her face and an "oh." She quickly turned to talk to a more exciting parent.

That got me to thinking about a few other encounters I've had since I've become a Stay at Home Mom.

There are the other SAHMS (the online term for stay at home moms)who fall into two categories. Jumbled SAHMS and just SAHMS.

Jumbled are as follows, they LIVE for being home, they spend a lot of their time while not with children, either online in mommy clubs or at a meeting with other jumbled SAHMS. This time is usually spent in a play group or other function disguised as time for the kids to play, but it is truly a time for women to either gossip, judge or get time out of the home to hold onto any sanity they have. I am not trying to be rude about Jumbled SAHMS, because there are truly a few who spend their entire day trying to do good for their own kids as well as find some time to spend with people in the over 10 crowd. I commend those Jumbled SAHMS, its the more judgemental/gossipy types that I am referring to. These are women who breastfeed until their children are in preschool and beyond and spit on women who either chose not to or are not able to. They spend their days on Facebook telling the world how much healthier THEIR kids are than bottle fed kids, however later in the day you will read how their 4-8 kids are sick with this and sick with that and is a walking contradictory. I'm all about breastfeeding, I truly am. But I think this world puts enough pressure on women to the be perfect moms as it is, that hearing yet another reason to have mommy guilt is beyond ridiculous, especially from people who are breastfeeding kids who have are getting visits from the tooth fairy.

These are also the same women who brag about "wearing" their babies and cloth diapering their babies. AGAIN more of the mom guilt. Seriously, do we need to judge other mommies? Not everyone is financially or emotionally able to be a SAHM, don't judge just love! I've been in the working 40+ hours, being a mommy, housekeeper and all of the above group. It is really hard and sometimes cloth diapering, wearing of the babies and breastfeeding don't fit into those schedules. Just let it go and be happy for all mommies.

The Just SAHMS get this. And for you, I am grateful. Some of you are like me, in the SAHM mom category by chance. And what a great chance it is. I spent the first 6 years of our oldest daughter's life working and letting our girls spend a majority of their day in daycare, someone ELSE's care. So now I'm blessed to be here as their mommy and it feels darn good! This is for you SAHD's too, you're out there and you are just as appreciated.

Now on to another ugly side of SAHM life. The haters. You KNOW who you are. You wish you were here, but for many reasons you are not. Some are not parents yet but feel the need to hate on those who "don't work". Others are parents who for whatever reason work, and I have no beef with you and your working. Please do not have any beef with me and my being home.

But let me tell you a little something, I am busier NOW than I ever was working a full time job and being a mommy. I am not sitting here eating bon bons, reading books, watching soaps and whatever it is you think makes me a target for your hate. I work darn hard, as a matter of fact I have a job I do from HOME. I work at our daughters' school when they need me which is quite a bit. I work, I just don't do 8-5or whatever it is you feel "stuck" with. I will not apologize for the differences between our lifestyles. Maybe, someday, when you're a parent or your financial needs are different, you can be home too. Until then, stop the hate, I don't have time for it and quite frankly it will not ruin this blessed experience I get to have as a SAHM. And none of this would be possible without the most amazing, supportive and hardworking husband! This is our life, and it works for us. So please, if you don't understand, ask and if you refuse to be supportive, then move along, I have no use for close mindedness!

My Super Mom Cape is the Wrong Size...

2010-09-26T23:10:00.005-05:00

So, I had one of those over-booked, super panicked mom moments! The kind that makes you certain that someone out there is ready to nominate you for the 'worst mother of the year!' award. Big P was part of a 1st-3rd grade cheerleading clinic at our district's high school last weekend. I had it plugged into my iPhone calendar of course, along with the 10,000 other things going on. My calendar told me it got over at 12:30pm! So around 12:20, I get a call from the coach to make sure I'm ok, the clinic got over at noon and she was with Big P waiting for me. I freaked! I didn't want to be 'that' mom and I certainly didn't want my little girl traumatized!

Thankfully no trauma! She was coloring and happy as could be when I got there at 12:30, the time my super mom calendar told me to be there! But I was embarrassed to say the least! And I'm sure this Friday night, when we brought her to the football game to cheer on those T-Birds, the coach was thinking, 'there's THAT mom!' But Big P had a blast and did great and doesn't seem to care mommy's cape doesn't fit!

Little P has reassured me that I'm still 'the best mommy!'

Side note!! My cousin Kylie is now officially a KU jayhawk! So proud of her and feeling a tad bit old right now!!

My Oma is having heart surgery in the morning! I'm praying faith pulls our family through and a steady hand for the surgical staff!

We're Going to Disney World!

2010-09-15T22:54:00.005-05:00

Kris and I have been plotting a trip to Disney World for a few years. About 6 months ago we decided to make it a reality. We made our final payment on our trip yesterday. We had talked about keeping it a surprise until we actually left, but after some thinking and talking and more thinking, we decided it was important to include them in our first family vacation. We want them to realize why we are no longer going out to eat...."do you want to grab that Happy Meal or have spending money at Disney World?" And our travel agent and friend Kela gave us some ideas her parents used to get them to work hard on their chores to earn spending money on our trip! Plus, we want them to have some say in planning our time in the Sunshine State.

We got a few goodies to help with the surprise after school yesterday.

Here they are reading the letter we wrote them to tell them about what we are doing! Big P has turned into quite the reader!

And here they are after they finally figured it out! Although, I don't think its really sunk in! We have a couple of months to help the excitement build!

So here's to planning, saving and gearing up for the trip of a lifetime! I can't wait to see Mickey...Eh I mean I can't wait to see the P's faces when they see Mickey! And I can't wait to make more memories like the ones we have already!

And the fun begins...........

2010-09-09T20:38:00.003-05:00

With the start of the new school year, is also the beginning of the girls' activities. Yes, I am aware that I signed them up for extra-curriculars, but thankfully I have not gone overboard with what they are involved in. I have a few friends who are not very good at saying no. Kris and I want the girls to try everything and see what they like and are good at, and go with those, but that does not mean we need to try everything at once. Big P danced last year and did awesome at her recital in June! Little P did AWANA at church (coincidently the same night as Big P's dance class which made for a fun shuffle across town) and LOVED IT! In fact, Big P realized mid school year she wanted to do AWANA. We told her we would let her try it this year. SO they are now both in dance one night and AWANA the next. They both played T-ball this past summer, thankfully on the same team. Next summer will be a different situation.

Big P would like to try volleyball and soccer. Little P loves to play music and wants to try soccer and hockey. So at some point, we need to find a way to incorporate those without overlapping too much. Big P is a girl scout, and somehow my hand was raised when they asked for a leader last year. Year 2 and I'm still the leader, but I'm seriously considering stepping down and just being a girl scout mama. Little P has no interest, let me rephrase that, HAD no interest in Girl Scouts until she found out her bestie might be doing it! No I will not lead that troop thankfully. But at some point we may have lots of cookies to sell. Thankfully those events are once a month!

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS? Kris works a lot, yes I know it is so I don't and so I can be a mom first,I am fully aware of this. I am also fully aware that he actually works a bit less than before when I worked full-time and I am also aware that after November (big trip!) we may not have the 85/15 situation on who is the only parent. But until then, it is up to me to get these girls to their stuff. SO that leaves little time for mommy to have stuff. I can't even imagine having stuff of my own. I do get to hang out with the B shift mamas from time to time and I could probably do more of that, but guilt and sure energy hold me back.

So...the fun has begun. And Kris is out of town for awhile, again, the girls and I are here. One of these Septembers we will get to go. This year, the bigger picture/trip took precendence. Sometimes being a grown up stinks!

SO I will do my best to make this weekend of just us girls a great one for the girls.

Twas' the night before...

2010-08-16T22:42:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is Little P's first day of kindergarten...and Big P's first day of first grade. They are sound asleep, mommy is wide awake! Much like that night before Christmas feeling! I'm so excited and yet a little sad to see them go. Summer went too fast! But I know they will love it! So much to learn, wings to spread and life to live. So I will be fine...yep fine. No I'm not crying I have an eyelash in my eye!

Firefighter's wife

2010-08-13T10:21:00.009-05:00

Three years ago today, I got a phone call from my husband saying a fellow brother and firefighter mentor had died while fighting the same fire he was on. It was a brief conversation, one that literally took my breath away. And one that still haunts me today.

It was a hot day, much like today's forecasted high of 104. I had taken the P's to the lake to ride their bike and trike across the dam. But the heat was too much and we gave up pretty quickly. Oddly enough, the picture I took of that little bike ride is on my very first blog post.

Kris called as I loaded our girls into my SUV. I automatically drove to firestation number 8, or 8's, Tony's station and what is now Kris' station. My husband is an emotional person, but sometimes he is very difficult to read. Our girls were very young at the time, 2 & 31/2 and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. He seemed like he wanted to be with his brothers, so I left after a short visit. Hindsight of course tells me I should've found a way to be there for him that night. But that is that.

I remember lying in bed that night and picturing how his wife Karrie must be feeling and what it was like for her to get that call. Protocol states a battalion chief, minister and sometimes the fire chief himself are supposed to come to a spouse's place of work or home. But being in the EMS field herself, I think she was contacted in another way, and I can only imagine what the felt like at 5 months pregnant.

I sat at Captain Cox's funeral a week later and watched as my husband stood guard with the rest of the TFD honor guard. I watched Karrie and said a prayer for her to find peace. A lot of dirty laundry came to head during that week, and I think that made it even that more difficult for her. But she handled it with class and a preserverance I have never seen.

Captain Cox was a mentor to my husband both at the firestation and on the ambulance. A few months before they announced her pregnancy, Tony & Karrie had our family of 4 over for dinner. It was a fun night, one that I will never forget. And I am eternally grateful for the way he took Kris under his wing.

And while I may never understand some of the laundry that was brought to attention, I believe he lived his life serving others and was a hero for so many.

But as a firefighter's wife, I can't help but hold my breath when I hear my husband on a call. I know he is good at what he does. He has the best bedside manner with patients and with people he is helping in general. His calm demeanor has earned him many levels of respect in the EMS field. His sense of humor keeps us all laughing. As a firefighter's wife, I know the reality of our life is that he may not come home after a shift someday. That possibility is always in my heart. And I'd like to think I will handle it with the class that Karrie Cox did, but I make no guarantees. However, with two little girls who will watch my every move, I know that I have to.

The hours are long and hard both as a firefighter and as a wife. There are weeks where we see Kris 2 days at most, and that's not 48 hours in a row! But I appreciate him and what he does for our family and I know that he loves every minute of it. There used to be a time when I thought this career might be the end of our marriage, but we have overcome and are closer now than we ever have been. Its a hard but wonderful life and I know our girls are so incredibly proud and in awe of their daddy. And so am I.

So Captain Cox, I pray that you are at peace and that you are able to find some joy knowing that you are truly missed. To Karrie, Hannah and the rest of the Cox family, may there be a constant reminder that God will carry you through.

Already?

2010-08-02T14:56:00.007-05:00

We enrolled the P's in school today. A little bittersweet to be sending Little P to kindergarten already! But I know she's ready, and I think in a lot of ways we are too. I do worry that her strong will may get us a couple of phone calls from the principal, but in a lot of ways that strong will help her and her big sister. Big P is very ready for first grade, in fact she asked if she could just go to school year round. I hope that enthusiasm continues!

I start a new job next week. Sadly, its not at the girls' school which is what I had really worked and hoped for. I will continue to try and get a fulltime gig there, but until then, I'm working for our local Emergency Management Dept. Thankfully, its part time and it sounds like it will be extremely flexible, which is what I need after my other recent job experiences. I won't go on that tangent today.:)I am excited to make a little bit of money for our family again, and to have a glimpse of my own identity again. I just hope that I don't lose the strides I've made at home too.

Here are some fun and recent pics of the girls playing on their computer. Silly girls! I love them so!

5th Birthday!!!!!!

2010-07-21T22:20:00.001-05:00

Today is Little P's 5th birthday! A pretty big deal!! Its so bittersweet, because while part of me is happy to see her growing into such a sweet little girl, the other part wants time to stand still to keep her little forever!

We had a fun day as a family. Lunch at one of her favorite places, some shopping and playing and it was all topped off with a 'friend' party at Chuck-E-Cheese tonight! Where has the past 5 years gone? I remember holding her in my arms that first night, not wanting to sleep just so I could watch her sleep, feel her sweet breath on my neck and wrap her hand around my finger. Thankfully, she had no problem letting mama snuggle with her now, I hope that never changes!

Being forgotten

2010-07-18T02:41:00.004-05:00

It's 2:45 am and it's too hot to sleep! Literally, it's 85 degrees here but the heat index is 94! Our AC has been running non-stop and the house is semi-cool. But, not cool enough for me I guess. And having my mind race doesn't help either.

It's been a bittersweet summer for our family. While having me home has been a blessing, it also means a lot of changes in our lives. We recently had what we once considered 'good friends' move to the Southwest part of the country. These are people we've spent a lot of time with, in fact, at one point, I think almost all of Kris'days off we were either sharing dinner with them or planning our next time spent together. Our children were close. R was big P's first official best friend and the joke was they were going to have an arranged marriage, we have the picture to prove it. But, as often as not, people get busy and the phone calls became one-sided and what had hoped to be a last get-together before their move, never happened. Big P was heartbroken when she realized, we were forgotten. Being the adults, we reassured her that was not the case. However, the more I think about it, we were, just long before they moved.

I'd like to borrow someone else's heart right now. Somone who doesn't care as much and can take peoples choices with a simple shrug of the shoulder. Because it's looking like dejavu here this week.

27 years of friendship, I guess more like 25 when you count the years of dwindling phone calls or yearly get-togethers. What I once considered my strongest friendship, became one of obligation on the other end. And next Saturday, it moves Southeast. And though we've promised we will email, Facebook and plan trips or alot time when she comes to visit family, the pessimist in me knows the truth. There will not be enough time during visits to Kansas for non-family, which saddens me because I was once considered family.

So, I guess the super sad part of me wonders what is so easily forgettable about us? And what do I tell the girls to avoid future heartache? Sigh...maybe I should get some sleep!

******Just so you know, I was very upset and up extremely late when I wrote this post! I have spoken to my BFF of 27 years more since she left than I have in a long time! You are the best D! You know that! I truly admire you and your spirit! And even if you're 10,000 miles away, I'm always here for you! I hope you know that!******

Summer is halfway over!!

2010-07-08T13:50:00.006-05:00

What is this? Summer is almost over? Yikes! Where has time gone? Oh, I know, we've been super busy and we didn't realize it was sneaking by! I love Independence Day, but the 4th always means summer is almost up! We've had such a good summer so far. No major trips or anything like that, (those come later!) but we've truly enjoyed it so far.

The P's were in my cousin Steph's wedding. They were great little flower girls! And of course right after that, was Big P's first dance recital followed by her first summer camp! And in all of that, rain make up t-ball games. A bittersweet end to the season, probably the only time the P's will be on the same team!

Now that some of that madness is over, I am hoping to enjoy the lazy days of summer with the girls and Kris. However, as I type, Big P is enjoying herself in Arkansas, her first trip away! Mama is trying to be strong!

Here are some pics from our fun!

Unfinished

2010-06-04T23:27:00.005-05:00

I had a heart-breaking conversation with an old but good friend online today, The kind of situation that makes you examine your life and how you're living it!

Looking around my life, I see a lot of unfinished business. Everything from projects around the house and personal goals. Its seems most of what I am living is in the "I can do that tomorrow" phase. Thats not a good place to be.

This isn't going to be one of those pity party posts we are all entitled to every now and then, but rather a "what can I do now?" post!

One of the most beautiful people I know is desiring something that came very easily to me and my husband. Her journey has been an extremely gut wrenching one that has left her not questioning why, but rather looking for how! Knowing her determination regardless of the heart break involved has me re-evaluating my determination for life. That includes everything from the small laundry/clothing sort project I have to how Kris and I discipline our daughters.

Its the simplest of things that make life the greatest and it seems while putting everything off as I do, I forget to take it all in.

While I'm not promising miracles, JM, I am promising you this! I am going to live my life with the glass half full and get some of those unfinished items marked off my to-do list! Thank you, for your beautiful soul, I hope to be like you when I grow up!

Here are some pictures of our amazing kiddos that make my soul feel at ease!

Weird Things People Do at 2am!

2010-05-24T02:03:00.002-05:00

So it's 2am Monday morning and I'm wide awake in bed! My husband however, is outside our bedroom window with his best known partner in crime, his brother B. What are these two dorks doing at 2am? They're attempting to rescue a box turtle out of window well to the basement. I discovered 'Sammy' about a week ago when we got some good ol' Kansas rain, 3 inches in one night to be exact. I'm not sure how 'Sammy' got down there, the window well has a cover on it. Which from the muffled conversation I hear, is a problem for them at the moment!

I'm not sure why they picked 2am to get him. But stranger things have occured! At least I'm always entertained!

Uptight

2010-04-14T22:10:00.005-05:00

I had this vision that as a stay at home mom, I would have so much time to get so many things done. I would have time to organize our house, I would have time to have a set schedule on how I did the ins and outs of housework so I could enjoy time with the girls. I would have time to sit on my laptop and write until my hearts content. However, reality has hit and I find myself tired....a lot! It seems there are more things to fill that precious time. So the organizing has been put off, the housework has been put off to the necessity FIRST and has turned into EVERY DAY! And my writing feels forced. I do have more time with the girls and I know I should be grateful for each and every moment of that, I am believe me! However, I need to write. I need to get these ideas out of my head so I can share them. With who? Not sure at this moment but writing is my being. Not like 100% of my being because being a mommy and a wife take up quite a bit of that! And again that is all a true blessing which I am forever grateful for. But I need to find a way to balance it! I have this incredible idea for a book and I've written bits and pieces but have not found my true direction. Maybe I'm overthinking it like I do so much else in my life. But the uncreative way I feel about it makes me feel so freakin' uptight. I am not an uptight person. Yes, there are things I worry way too much about. But uptight gives me stomach problems and the ugly wrinkles! So I am praying that after getting some much needed and very put off projects done in the next few days I can put some of that energy into something I desire for me. Wow that sounds selfish just typing it, but I have to do it. Its knawing at me in a way that is driving me batty! So I hope this SLLLLOOOWWWWW laptop of mine will cooperate so I can find my happy place.

In the mean time...here are a few pictures from our Easter celebration and what a celebration it was! Such a great weekend with family! The P's are growing like weeds and these pictures show that!

Top 10 Favorites (of right now ~subject to change at a moment's notice)

2010-04-01T12:37:00.002-05:00

I'm blogging from my phone! How cool! Ok my dork moment is over!!

My good friend Laura had a top 10 list of her favorite things right now. So I had to jump on that wagon too!!

Besides our beautiful daughters and my wonderful husband, here is a list of some of my favorities right now.

10. The amazing spring (&summer) sunsets we have in Kansas!
9. Being able to be outside with the girls to enjoy those sunsets!
8. No socks!! (which means I get my toes painted by our artsy 6-year-old)
7. Taking the P's to T-ball, because it means nights at the ball park are coming soon and because I love watching them be so active!
6. Training wheels and bike helmets...a little peace of mind for this mama!
5. Sleeping with the windows open (sorry Laura had to agree!)
4. Knowing I get to spend our summer as a mama FULL time!!
3. Planning a huge surprise for the P's!!! HUGE!!
2. Sweet Tea!
1. Hearing Little P say 'bonus!' or Big P say 'i'm so ready for first grade!'

Wow I'm slack-a-lackin!

2010-03-08T20:07:00.004-06:00

Ok I'm in a good mood, which is good right?
I've had a lot going on these past 3 months, so I apologize to those of you who check my blog (THANK YOU THANK YOU BY THE WAY)! I am going to make a personal goal of updating this every week! So please hold me to it if you can!

The P's are doing great in school! Big P is a little sad though. Her best friend Tucker is moving at the end of the year. Yes she is in kindergarten, and yes she is only 6, but this friend is a very good one. The kind that she swears she will marry when she's 30. He is a little gentleman, opens the door, makes sure she is ok on the playground. I see why she *Hearts* Tucker. He is moving to Western Kansas, his dad is taking over the family farm. So, despite Kris' objections (he hates driving to Western Kansas) we will probably make a couple of trips to the farm. On an awesome note, Big P is quite the reader now! She read 5 Dr. Suess books on her own to her little sister a few nights ago. Kris and I are extremely proud!

Little P is getting sassier and smarter every day. I truly believe she will following her sister's reading habits VERY soon! I can't believe she will be in kindergarten in 5 short months! She has roundup at the end of the month! YIKES! She is playing T-ball this summer, on the same team as Big P! It should be a fun ball season. Right now she is thriving in AWANAS, she has memorized 17 Bible Verses. Its so sweet to hear our 4 year old recite what she has learned.

Both girls will be flower girls (again) in June for our cousin Stephanie's wedding. They both love Houston, Stef's fiance, and amazingly enough, he enjoys being around them too. Stef and Houey (as the P's call him) have been brave enough to take the girls overnight. Good birth control for them I suppose!

The Jazzercizing is starting to pay off. I am seeing some good results, not much scale-wise yet, but there are a few reasons for that. For one, my thyroid medication is not working and heck neither is my thyroid! So by the Grace of God, between the higher medication levels and the specialist I am now a patient of, the thyroid will hopefully get it together. I know I will get more out of life when I'm healthy! I am hoping we can get healthy as a family! I think the Spring Fever is helping! We've been outside quite a bit when the temps hit higher than 45! It feels almost tropical!

Here are a few pictures of our last major snow fall! The girls and Kris had such a good time! The snow had been on the ground for about a week, but we couldn't play because the highest temperature was 5! Bring on SPRING!

He's not the "real" Santa....

2009-12-06T21:13:00.004-06:00

So our girls have had their pictures taken with Topeka's very own Santa since they were babies, so when my parents take them to our local train station's Christmas festivities, they are a little biased on who they think Santa truly is. Yes Topeka's Santa is the real deal. He drives a big red truck with the license plate "Toymaker" and carries Rudolph rings with him 365 days a year. His family is very tolerant of kiddos running up to him in restaurants (like Little P did a few weeks ago) and we have enjoyed getting to see him every year. However, what better way to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa than to celebrate Christmas!

So even though they know this guy is Santa's helper, they were good sports!

Waiting for the man in red to arrive via train!

Grateful...

2009-12-03T21:17:00.002-06:00

I have a friend who has moved away and I don't talk to nearly as much as I should. I was one of the first people she told she was pregnant about 6 1/2 months ago and I was very excited to hear her good news.

She was the one who talked me into getting a pregnancy test when I was pregnant with Big P. I swore I wasn't pregnant because honestly I thought I wouldn't be blessed enough to have that opportunity. I had some issues before Big P that led me to down the doubting road. For 3 days she pestered me and kept telling me I "was so knocked up". Of course once I brought it up to Kris, he was ecstatic and the test was bought and taken. It turned pink before I even had a chance to put it on the sink. And so, almost 6 years later, we are raising not one P but two and I thank God every day for that.

For my friend J though, parenthood has been a heartache. Kris and I checked her facebook on Veteran's Day and learned that their baby boy came two months too early and went home before his parents got to know him. My heart broke for her and her husband. I can't even fathom carrying a baby for that long, planning for him, feeling him move, anticpating holding him in my arms, only to have to bury him a few days later.

So even though there are times I want to pull my hair out and wonder if our children will ever listen, or stop fighting, or just follow directions, I know that I have been blessed with getting to know them, getting to tuck them in at night and getting to be the first person they run to when they just want their mama.

So tonight, I'm grateful, even if I'm extremely worn out by their strong minds.

You've Got My Attention

2009-12-02T21:52:00.007-06:00

Something happened last week that broke my heart into a million little pieces. Big P came home from school upset about something a boy in her kindergarten class said to her. I asked her what he said and it took her a little while to build up the courage to tell me. She told me it would hurt my feelings because it hurt hers. I told her she could tell me anything and I would listen no matter what. She said the boy (who she has had word matches with quite a bit since school started) was making fun of her because her parents are "big". I asked her what she thought he meant and she made the motion of a big belly. I hid my sadness and gave her a reassuring smile. I let her know that we are all shaped differently and that she knows mommy and daddy have some work to do to get healthy. I asked her what she said back to this boy, and she told him that we are all different and we shouldn't make fun of people because of that. I am a very proud but sad mama. I never wanted my weight or Kris' to affect our children in such a way, embarrassment. I know I have some work to do, and Kris is well aware of the work he needs to do as well. But this little scenario has been on my mind ever since and I think it was the attention grabber needed to get my butt going. I joined Jazzercize and am proud to say that I've gone 3 days in a row, I just joined on Monday! What a great overall workout! A little kickboxing in there, which I love and it makes me work hard on every inch of my body. My goal is to go at LEAST 3 times a week, which right now is very possible. Maybe getting a head start on the whole Resolution part of the Holidays is a good way to go! I just pray that the girls will start to see the positive role model in me rather than the one that couldn't put the pop and fatty foods down.

On a much sweeter note, here are some of my favorite pictures from this fall! The first one cracks me up every time! Laughter at its finest captured by my little point and shoot camera, what a great moment!

Catching up....

2009-11-02T20:29:00.012-06:00

Its been awhile since I've blogged.
We've been super busy keeping up with the girls and their added activities, packing, getting sick and moving. Now the unpacking is occupying my time. But I've put some of that aside the past day or so, trying to enjoy the girls as much as possible. We've had some trips to the park, enjoying this balmy November weather. Tonight, I'm indulging in some computer time while they dance around to Hannah Montana.

Here are some pictures from our summer....enjoy!

Holding down the fort....

2009-09-17T20:59:00.005-05:00

Kris is in Colorado this week for the IAFF Memorial, for Fallen Firefighters. Thankfully this year, Topeka doesn't have any names to add to the wall, but sadly there will always be someone's name to add!

He took along Big P's Spongebob toy and has taken some pictures of Spongebob's adventures while there. One on top of Pike's Peak and even one at the Colorado Avalanche vs. Dallas Stars game. I have to admit, I'm a little jealous I'm not there right now but there will be next year.

The P's and I are enjoying some mommy and P's time. I had lunch with Big P at school today and have been spending some time one-on-one in the afternoons with Little P. Tomorrow, I am attempting my first garage sale, I know I'm probably a little crazy for that one but we really need to de-clutter!

I sent in my short story for the Good Housekeeping contest. I would love to get their feedback at least, even if I don't place. Jodi Picoult is a guest judge, just to know she may read my work is completely exilerating! Don't get me wrong, that grandprize would be awesome, but I'm just proud that I got creative enough to send a story in! I hope its the beginning of tuning into my creative self and writing and writing and writing!!!

We find out this week where we may go house wise. I pray that we get the home we desire, but we'll see what the plan is!

Trudging along

2009-09-10T10:06:00.002-05:00

I am not even sure if trudging is a word but hey it works today!

I am doing just that, moving along and getting things done. I have few interviews coming up so that gives me some hope. Plus, I have applied EVERYWHERE so I'm hoping that out of the 20+ jobs I've applied for, that I will hear back from about 10? There is one job in particular that would allow me to use my media background and be home to get Big P off the bus. Keeping my fingers crossed for that one.

Kris and I started working on getting Little P to bed hardcore this week. We are taking the Super Nanny approach, where we just keep putting her back in and telling her "It's time for bed, goodnight". We don't engage, we don't do anything but place her back in bed. The first night, it took 45 minutes, the second night, 30 and tonight I'm on my own. Wish me luck!

Big P is doing great in school, but is sad because she can't seem to make friends she says. I doubt that, because she was invited to a classmate's birthday party. I am trying to help her like herself more and instilling that her liking herself is all that matters, but the drama has already began!

I'm looking forward to a fun weekend with the family. And looking forward to enjoying life with them more. I think the funk is almost over, I hope!

Feeling a bit of insomnia

2009-09-07T23:18:00.002-05:00

I have two sleeping beauties in our house tonight. They are both sound asleep which is a good thing, I know. But their mommy is not, which is not a good thing. I pulled out the laptop in hopes I could channel some of this insomnia into my writing projects, but nothing has happened yet, so I turned to the sometimes easier project, my blog. Which I seriously doubt anyone reads, I mean I never see many numbers jump on my little counter thingy. So I am probably writing to the cyber streams and no one else. Oh well, I guess getting it out of my brain may help me sleep right?

Ok now the writer's block has hit here too. Hmm....

Had some funny things with the P's this weekend. Little P decided to comb her hair with a fork, she wanted to be the Little Mermaid. I told her she was not, and she took it pretty well. Later that day, she decided to climb our furniture like a trapeze artist, I informed her that was not a good idea either. For that she just stood on the top of the couch, looked at me and then jumped down as far as she could and smiled. Sigh!

Big P had her first school birthday party yesterday. They met at a local historical site and had a tea party. She actually drank hot tea and liked it, I was impressed she tried it and I really enjoyed watching her play with her friends. She was floored by how old everything was in the museum portion and she asked the lady who was giving the tour if she was around back in 1889 when the house was built. I had to stiffle my laughter as did the other parents.

I had a few moments in between Kris' jobs with him. A semi-date night out to dinner Friday night. We ran into a few guys he worked with a few years back, and had a good night of conversation with them about life, kids and more. Last night he was home semi-early for an evening with us which was nice too. He will be home a couple more nights before he heads west for the Firefighter Memorial. I think I'm pouting, but I miss him. At least he's safe and in country right?!

Well since no one is reading, I will say good night to myself and end my little pity party as well.

This and That...

2009-08-31T15:07:00.002-05:00

I have a lot of time to myself during the day to fill. So far, applying for various jobs and getting caught up on housework has filled my time. I had an interview today for several oppportunities, all part-time and all would allow me time at home with the girls and allow me to be the mommy and wife I want to be. I need to come up with a good routine on getting it all done without letting it get overwhelming. I have a great friend Laura who also happens to be Little P's preschool teacher, who is extremely organized and I'm hoping to take some tips from her.

In some of that time, I'm hoping to get a lot of writing done. Both for my book and for a contest my mother-in-law told me about. I finally came up with an idea I think is very doable for that one. I had a few other ideas in my head but this one seems to be the one I can write the best with. The problem? It has to be 3,500 words or LESS. That is not much at all. Its very hard for me to write so little. So I have to make the words count!

To pack or not to pack?! The house situation has added another hill to the never-ending roller coaster ride. We have a contract on one house, may have a chance to stay put. Its all a waiting game at this point. To steal my sister-in-law's quote "its hurry up and wait!" time for us. I know it will all work out but until then, its a little nerve wracking!So for now, its organize, organize and sell. Hoping to have a big garage sale soon. The trick is keeping what I want to sell out of the eyes of the P's who think we need to keep EVERYTHING!

Kris is handling things well and is a tremendous support. I am truly blessed to have such a good husband and a good friend. I take him for granted more than I should!

My sister and brother-in-law are both out of country for more than a month, serving our country. My heart goes out to her because its her first real trip away from her kiddos, who are incredibly young. He is a seasoned veteran at trips away from the famiy so no worries there, just praying for his safety of course. I pray they both come home safely and soon!

Lots of changes......

2009-08-18T14:00:00.004-05:00

Big P started kindergarten last Thursday. She loves school. Every day she comes home so excited about what she did and so excited to share it with us. She seems to truly enjoy it and soaks it all up!

I cried a little when we saw her into the school, off of the bus. Only because it truly means our little girl is growing up. I am however, extremely excited for her and am just sitting back and enjoying it! We have her school carnival coming up and of course her first skating party!

Little P is going to start going to a friend of mine's preschool/daycare twice a week. There was a problem with her former preschool and we had a choice to make. She needs preschool and I know Laura will take good care of her! I am very excited for her too!

They both got new haircuts last night. Big P wanted bangs to go with the LONG hair. We cut Little P's into a shorter bob, just because its easier to manage. Such cuties!

On a personal note, I am now looking for a part-time job. I won't go into details but its for the best and I am looking forward to working but being able to be home for the girls when needed. Hopefully a big, fantastic change is coming for our entire family next month! Keep your fingers crossed....we are on our way to home ownership and I would love to be able to post about that soon!

And so it begins.....

2009-08-06T13:16:00.004-05:00

A week from today, Big P will start kindergarten. Where has the time gone? It seems like it was only yesterday I was feeding her a bottle, finding that lost binky that somehow found its way underneath the couch or between the car seats. It seems almost like yesterday when I first found out we were expecting and then the first time I felt her little nudge or her hiccups shake my entire belly. She is such a smart little girl, has been from the beginning. Her eyes lead you to an older soul, it was almost like I already knew her when I first met her. While those same eyes often roll at me, and the stubborness that will make her a strong woman drives me insane now, I know that school is truly where she belongs. She is a sponge! She soaks it all in and wants more, and more and more. She analyzes every detail and tries to figure out how it all works. She is thirsty to read, thirsty to figure out how math works beyond the simple addition and subtraction flash cards we own. She is ready. So that means mommy has to be ready too. I'm nervous about the little things that can torment a child. What happens when the girl next to her in class doesn't say nice things? Or what happens if a bully should decide to put his or her focus on Big P? What happens if she gets to nervous to say the right answer when called on? Its all of those little things that I can't be there to help her with that could easily drive me crazy. But I have to remind myself that is a strong child. That that same stubborness that wills her to annoy her mommy will be the same stubborness that will keep the mean girls and bullies away.

And so it begins...her journey into school and into becoming a child instead of a toddler. I am so proud of her and excited for her.

*(Little P was very upset on enrollment day when she realized she would not be joining big sister for Kindergarten! Truly heartwrenching!)

Summer winding down....

2009-07-28T09:39:00.002-05:00

Its a busy time of year. School starts in less than 3 weeks and that means Big P will soon be a kindergartener! Little P will be in Pre-K and the shuffle of the school year will begin. Somewhere in there I will have to find time to focus on 4 online classes, come up with a short story for a contest I want to enter and find time to get going on writing my book. I can do this right? I also need to find more time to work out! We've been doing good the past couple of weeks, hope to keep the momentum going! Kris is seeing a personal trainer and I'm taking some classes that are literally kicking my butt into gear!

The P's are excited about the school year. There is so much to do and I want to be involved as much as working mama can be! We'll see what we can do. I guess its time to put on my "Super Mom" cape and do it!

Here's a fun picture of the P's from last week. They have Swim to Me Puppies and decided they wanted to wear the puppies' goggles. Silly girls!

Celebrating a 4-year-old!

2009-07-22T10:07:00.013-05:00

We are now the parents of a 4 AND 5 year old. Sounds kind of scary when its put that way. Little P turned 4 yesterday. Her big family party is Saturday but we took her to Chuck E Cheese last night to celebrate. She had a blast and it was a nice, small crowd of some family and some friends who came with us. I will have to post some fun pictures from that soon but here are a few of my favorites of Little P! She is such a delight to have in our lives. She is a kind, sweet, loving, empathetic, hilarious little girl. She keeps us laughing, keeps us smiling and can melt our hearts with one little pout of her lip. She drives her sister crazy but loves her even more. Thank you Little P, for being the Grace that God gave us!

Did she just do THAT??

2009-07-20T10:08:00.004-05:00

Yes, yes she did!
We took the P's out to dinner last night. It was a fun evening and everyone was on their best behavior, mommy and daddy included.
They had just spent some time with Grandma and Grandpa and a few animals including a sweet Yorkie Poo and a kitten. Well Little P decided her ear itched, so she brought her leg up to her ear, and scratched it with her big toe. Just like the animals she had just seen. Kris and I were flabergasted, did she just do that? It was one of those moments as a parent where you just want to laugh so incredibly hard at their imagination and actions, but know better and should advise her that is not how people scratch themselves. It was purely innocent and incredibly sweet as well as hilarious so we ended up telling her that was how animals did it but still laughed too so she knew she still entertains us well. I wish we would've gotten a picture of the moment because it truly was funny!

Some funny and not so funny P'isms....

2009-07-16T09:37:00.002-05:00

Little P had me laughing pretty hard at bedtime a few nights ago. She informed me that she didn't need a bedtime so I asked her why she thought that. "I'm a vampire mommy, and vampires don't sleep!" What have I started?

We were out at dinner the next night as a family, when Big P said something that made us all laugh. I ordered the quesadillas, forgoing the the all-you-can-eat buffet. She watched me as I smeared some guacamole and sour cream inside and said as sweetly as could be. "Mama why do you like rockamole?" I love it when they get a word wrong, there is something so sweet and innocent about it.

A not so sweet moment, at least for me, was a few days ago when Big P was standing next to me at the mirror. She kept looking at my face and then her face and back again. She said with a very disgusted look on her face "Mama will I look like you when I grow up too?" We do look a lot alike right now and I worried when she asked this. She glanced at my non-healthy areas and looked at her own. I realized at that moment I had to help establish her own self image and not dwell on mine. I simply told her that she may look like me but she would be her own person. She thought about this for a few minutes. I then asked her if she wanted to look like me when she grew up. She thought a little longer and then smiled and said "yea". I know being a girl is tough and being a girl with weight issues is even tougher. I hope for her sake, that our bad eating habits do not cause her long-term stress. It was at that moment that I realized there is no fountain drink or oreo worth depleting a positive self image in my daughter's eyes. It was also in that moment that I wished I could've stuck to that promise to her a long time ago. Sad but sweet all in the same moment.

Here is a picture of the P's before their first swim lesson this week. They love it!

Writer's block.....

2009-07-02T09:42:00.002-05:00

Oh no. I have finally sat down to put all of my ideas onto paper/in a document and I can't find the right words. I know its the first draft and its going to be ugly so I shouldn't worry about sentence structure or anything like that. (I never worry about it on here!) But I can't get the thoughts to form into words much less get my fingers to type them. I've been carrying around a composition notebook with hopes that will inspire me, nope, nothing! The thoughts are coming about 100mph however I can't find a way to connect them to print! UGH! I am finally in the right mind set and ready to do this so why is it so flippin' hard?

Halfway through 2009

2009-07-01T10:52:00.004-05:00

Wow this year has flown by. They all do now and sometimes its a little overwhelming to know how quickly time truly passes. Of course that is not always the case when you're waiting for something, like say for the work day to be over. That clock just ticks and sometimes it seems like it ticks backwards. However, that is NOT the case when it comes to watching our children grow up. I am trying get a grasp on time with them. Little P turns 4 this month and it seems just like yesterday she was 2 and learning how to keep up with big sister.

I can't change how quickly it passes by, but I'd like to change how I spend my time, particularly with the girls. I realized that summer break is half over and I haven't really kept my promise in making sure its been a fun one. I've spent too many evenings inside camped out in the AC, instead of taking them outside to ride their bikes or blow bubbles or just to be kids out in the dirt finding bugs. I haven't read nearly as much TO them as I've read to myself. That's pretty selfish, especially considering how much they love it just as much as I do. So I hope to start July on a better note than I left June. I hope we can embrace the little moments as much as we do the big ones and just make this summer a great one for them.

I got a little sad with Little P the other day when her big tears streamed down her sweet little face. She realized that with Big P going to kindergarten, it meant she would be away from her all day. That fact really seemed to bother Little P. They've spent just about every waking moment together and now she'd have to fend for herself. I reminded her that now she could have fun and see the world through her own little eyes and that they would see each other every morning and in the afternoons after school as well as all night. She seemd to be ok with that but the tears stayed put for quite some time. Next year, it will be her going of to kindergarten and I'm sure I'll have some of my own tears to shed!

Really is there only two?

2009-06-30T16:29:00.000-05:00

So I attempted to fancy up my blog today and realized I only have 2 followers! TWO! Is that true? Are there only two of you who read this? If you do read it and don't follow it yet, scroll down to the bottom and become a follower! I promise to come up with fun things to blog about!

Melting......

2009-06-26T14:09:00.006-05:00

It's hot! Not just hot, but sweltering hot! We expect this kind of heat in Kansas in Mid-July and August but not late June. We've had a heat index of 102 or great at least 4 out of 5 days this week! I'm ok with the summer heat but this kind of heat just zaps the motivation out of me! Kris has been working in this heat, not a big deal when they're not running calls and are able to relax in the cool air of the firestation. However, when they are in the truck, he sits next to the engine in the Aerial truck, in the one space where there is no air conditioning! So needless to say he's a bit worn out.

I managed to take the P's swimming earlier this week and we dealt with the heat that way but we haven't been playing outside much at all. In fact, normally this time of year, they are playing and running and enjoying themselves at the Firefighter Union picnic. This year, not so much! The first night was full of a surprise storm that rained out any outside fun. The second night it was still 98 degrees and a heat index of 102 at dinner time so the P's got just a few minutes on the swings before we went home. I hope it gets back to normal soon so we can do the outside stuff we all enjoy! There is a new bottle of bubbles and some sidewalk chalk just calling their names not to mention some bikes in the garage that need little girls to ride them!

Silly Girls...

2009-06-17T09:34:00.004-05:00

I am so glad Kris and I were blessed with little girls who like to be silly. Little girls who have the best laughs and even sweeter giggles. Little girls who can melt you heart in one moment and then give you a mouthful in the next. Both P's are very strong-willed in such different ways. Big P likes her thoughts to be known and refuses to give in when she has her own opinion, and while this drives me absolutely insane sometimes, I know in life, it will be a good tool for her to have. Little P is very strong-willed in her own right. She knows what she likes and isn't easily swayed to like something just because big Sister does, which gives me hope that she won't be so easily swayed by others as she enters those peer pressure years. They as such a fun duo, and I love being around them so much more than I have appreciated in the past. Maybe its because they are both at the stage where they're pretty self-sufficient?! Maybe its because they're personalities are so strong now?! Or maybe I just keep falling in love with them over and over?! Whatever reason I am glad to be a mommy, THEIR mommy. And while we have our moments, I wouldn't have it any other way!

Here's a picture of them from last night. It was 96 degrees here, sweltering with the kind of humidity that makes you puddle right there in your shirt. But these silly girls were too busy to notice any of that. They found the winter drawer and the rest was history.....

ENOUGH!!!!!

2009-06-16T11:50:00.004-05:00

Wow! I'm just floored by the amount of drama that some people in this world like to stir. I am also floored that a group of women, MOTHERS none the less, are so quick to jump into the high school drama world when it comes to helping out a fellow mama. I am so disappointed in these people and their true show of character. A good friend of mine is in a bad place right now. I won't go into detail because it is her business and her life but she needs some uplifting and some help. I don't have much to give money-wise or time-wise but I'm willing to help and I thought the mommy group we were part of would be too. And there are those who are so willing and so helpful too. Then there are the ones who can't stand to see someone else in the lime ligth (even if it is truly a sad situation like this) and have to try and stir it up. So while I am grateful to the mommies who are willing to dig into the already dry well and help out another mama, and I'm glad to know I can help too, I think I'm going to have to stop participating in this group. Its sad really, I have made some good friends and had some great feedback and support at one time, but I didn't sign up for drama. And I am certainly not interested in the BS that has taken over. So ENOUGH!

Stalemate

2009-06-10T15:52:00.004-05:00

I try very hard to be positive on this blog, because yes I have, WE have a lot to be thankful for and are truly blessed. However, sometimes, life throws little things at you and its hard to keep that positivity going every minute of every day. Those little things sometimes turn into bigger things and they start to overwhelm.

We are at a standstill right now when it comes to home. I won't get into many specifics, some of you who read already know the situation. But while we got some good news that could take us 4 steps forward, it came with an exception that has us back 4 steps. So we're stuck, literally. Its such a hard place to be. We can see the dream right there just within our grasp but have all of this reality tied to it and not enough time to get it all going. So the roller coaster ride hasn't stopped its just at that dead space that has no hill to climb or ride down, its just coasting along and we have no idea which direction its going to go.

So stalemate....

Little Updates

2009-06-09T12:11:00.005-05:00

Well we have lost tooth number two in the P & D household! Big P would not let her daddy or I go near the second wiggly tooth. She took it upon herself to pull it out at daycare Friday! So the tooth fairy made another visit, this time leaving a .50 cent piece behind, which she thought was very cool! Little P keeps trying to tell us she has wiggly teeth too, oh little one please just wait for that!

We've had alot of birthday celebrations in our family this past week, Kris' included. We had a nice time with family last night and even some time with an old friend and his family. Much needed!

The P's are really liking daddy's jeep. Unfortunately Mother Nature has decided to bless us with lots of rain and thunderstorms lately so it hasn't been out of the garage as much as most of us would like right now. But its still fun when we get a chance to go out and let the wind rip through our blonde hair - well three of us anyway! Here's a pick Kris recently took of our little "jeep girls!" Little P spotted a power-wheel jeep she thought she should get for her 4th birthday next month so she can be like daddy. Sheesh!

*Update on writing: I've got my story sort of mapped out and am talking every few days with a friend of mine who is an editor! This book thing may just become a reality!!

Yes I am THAT dorky!

2009-06-03T09:20:00.014-05:00

I recently decided to try out the Twilight book series, by Stephenie Meyer. I wasn't really interested in the hype at first, I mean seriously, Vampires? But when the time came for Kris to leave town for a few days, I decided I wanted to fill my mommy time with a little bit of indulgence for me, which is usually reading. One of my sister-in-laws was already all into the Twilight craze, which wasn't suprising. But my other sister-in-law, the one I didn't expect to enjoy it, was actually very excited about it and couldn't stop talking about it either. So I figured I'd at least give it a shot. I mean I needed something worthwhile to fill my mommy time when the P's had their bedtime, and what better indulgence than reading a book you can't put down.

I started the first one Wednesday night, and before I knew it, it was midnight, this was the same way Thursday and I finally finished it Friday night. I couldn't wait to get the P's to bed so I could find out what was going on with Edward and Bella and how selfish and silly I sound even typing that! The P's had a fun day planned in KC on Saturday with my cousin and her boyfriend, so after they left at 6:30am, I popped in the Twilight DVD my sister-in-law had loaned me. I was not disappointed, in fact, it made me that much more excited to read the second installment. And I felt myself being drawn into the craze. I had heard that New Moon was the least anticipated installment of the series, I mean Edward leaves, so of course I knew I had to get through it to get to Eclipse, so amazingly I read the 500+ pages almost in one day. I felt a little over-indulgent and put it down until Sunday night. But it was right there in my mind, more vampires please, more Edward please. In fact, we ended up going over to my sister and brother-in-law's to watch the Blue Ray edition Saturday night. Big P watched a little of it here and there in between playing school with her sister and cousin, and was pretty impressed with the Edward character in the movie. She also loved the music. So maybe I've created the youngest Twilight fan, OOPS!

Kris got back safely from his trip Sunday afternoon. I confessed to him that I was now a Twilight dork as he called it =). But he seemed interested in hearing why I liked it so much and didn't make fun of me too much. We had some time to enjoy the evening as a family, but when the P's bedtime rolled around, my mind went back to reading, it had been my time to read for several nights. I was truly torn between just hanging out with him or finishing New Moon. I felt bad because I really just wanted to finish those last two chapters, but I put it off as long as I could. He laughed when he saw me reach for the book as he geared up for a good night's sleep. I finished it before he hit dreamland and was very tempted to dive right into Eclipse, but I decided I didn't need to be up that late when I had work the next morning.

Somehow my excitement must've worn off. Kris actually agreed to watch the movie and he did enjoy it. He seems very interested in seeing the second movie so there's at least hope that he could become a Twilight dork too! I am now halfway through Eclipse. and am starting to wonder if I will be very disappointed when I run out of words to read about Bella and Edward, because I truly enjoy reading about them. I am such a Twilight dork now, that I actually read the Midnight Son manuscript on Stephenie Meyer's website, its the first book from Edward's perspective. Reading that has truly made me realize how captivating this Edward character is....sigh!

But there is a less dorky side I guess, to falling for the craze. It has made me realize that writing is a lot less work than it seems to be for some. I used to read a good book, and then read as much as I could about the author to get a glimpse of the process they went through to dream of, write and eventually publish the book. One author, I can't remember her name at the moment, said that you should expect a Five year timeframe from the dream, to the final product. Five years?! She made it sound so methodical and I can't imagine putting so much method into my creativity and perhaps thats is part of the reason I haven't just taken a dream and ran with it, up until now.

But Stephenie Meyer made it sound like she took her dream and just wrote, regardless of method, and found herself knee-deep in the Edward and Bella story. She is a mother of three young boys and in between all of the day-to-day chaos of being a mommy, she found time to put her dream into words. It didn't seem to take long for her to go through the motions of getting it edited and published and wow, look where its taken her. It is a dream of mine to write something that will captivate someone. To know that my words are the ones that readers can not simply let go of, or forget. What better compliment than knowing your book is the one that's kept them up until the wee hours of the morning simply because they can not put it down. And now, after reading her process, it feels so much more possible! Its such an inspiration to see a woman just as busy as me, able to take her creativity to the next level, so truly I am a Stephenie Meyer fan!

So over the past few days, I have been paying attention more to the daydreams I've had and tried to put them down in a place I can find later. Of course, they are a little filtered with the thoughts of Edward and his sweet Bella but I'm going to run with it and see what kind of characters I can create that will become something of its own voice. I'm anxious but in a good way, to see what I can come up with. It feels so much more possible to fulfill my dream now, silly that it took reading a book to do this huh? I guess that is not truly a surprise though, I mean it makes sense to fall in love with a character to find one that you can create of your own. So I hope this lasting impression her words have made on me will contribute to my own success. We'll see!

For now, I will continue to indulge in the series and I truly look forward to seeing the next movie.

For those of you who can't get enough of the Twilight craze yourself, here are a few of my favorite websites!

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/index.html
http://www.twilightthemovie.com/
http://www.thetwilightsaga.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ9afRgToxE

Looking forward not back!

2009-05-29T15:54:00.007-05:00

There are a few things that I could seriously irrate or very irritated about at least. At while some of it still tweaks me a little, I've decided today that its just not worth the pain and sorrow it could easily bring. Its been a very emotional rollercoaster that has plum worn me out! So part of my conversation with myself includes not letting things that are clearly out of my control take over my life. So Kris and the P's and I will move on, it may be a little bit bumpy but we'll figure it out, because home is truly where ever we are as a family, TOGETHER. And how blessed we are!

Here are a few pictures of the P's at their friend Riley's party this past weekend - the joy on their faces truly says how much they are looking forward to the joys of summer!

This one kind is a little scarey looking but rest assured - she was enjoying every minute of speeding down the slide at full force! That is Little P's nature after all - enjoy life - embrace it and giggle along the way!

Stop the BS!

2009-05-28T16:48:00.004-05:00

Whoa, what did I type as my headline for this post? Yep "Stop the BS!"
I'm not going to go into much detail about what that is all about as I am going to say it is a good thing!
I've blogged and vowed many times to take care of something for myself that I have yet to follow through with. And maybe its because I need to have the conversation DEEP within myself before I can highlight that conversation publicly! But when I do, trust me, it will be worth the wait.
Just know this, the time Liz found her shine and her spark is here and all it takes is a little willpower and motivation and I've got some pretty amazing things to keep me motivated!

I can name 4 right now:

Liz (yes ME!), Kris (the best friend I could ever ask for), Big P (our sweet, head-strong girl!) and Little P (the smile maker!)

It's on and as Jillian Michaels says: "Stop the BS!"

Catching up and Super Mom powers!

2009-05-27T11:59:00.003-05:00

Kris is boarding a plane as I type. He and a few of his fellow firefighters are heading up to Mall Hockey (Milwaukee) for an Honor Guard training. (Little P calls it Mall Hockey! =)
I have to admit, I've been kind of pouty this week about that trip, I mean he gets to "get away!" who wouldnt' be jealous?! But then I got to thinking about the kind of training they are doing and it will not be entirely all fun for them. They are training on how to be a better detail at EMS/Firefighter funerals....that alone is pretty sad to think about. Although, I'm sure they will find some fun to fill the rest of their time so there is still a little green monster left in me!

So that said, just me and the P's for 4 1/2 days. A little overwhelming at first thought but I've decided to make this a fun week of just us girls. I've got a list of projects I'd like to at least get started when he's gone. Wouldn't it be nice to come home to a clean and organized and decorated house? Well I can at least attempt it! So if any of you have some Super Mom powers you can share, please do! I'd also like to get some good snuggling, bonding and playing with P's in there too! After a child care call I got at work this morning, I need to squeeze and love on the P's. It was a very sad situation and reminds me how truly blessed we are.

Also in our week of girls, my cousin Stef and her boyfriend Houston are kidnapping the P's Saturday and taking them to the KC Zoo all day! So I will get some mommy time in there which is needed. Of course, I will more than likely fill my time cleaning and organizing and decorating the house but hey, it will be uninterrupted time! Maybe I can squeeze a pedicure in there? We'll have to see about that one!

We've got a few more birthdays and Father's Day to plan for too. Kris' celebrates another year in less than 2 weeks, and I hope to make his day very special...without telling him all of the details that is! We both kind of stink at keeping surprises from each other, and he is very good at bugging me about it until I spill the beans! So my goal is to keep as much of it a surprise as possible...of course he already nixed the big gift, and decided he wanted a lawn mower instead. Wow, we have hit "mature-ville" haven't we?

The P's enjoyed some great family time over the Memorial Day weekend. They got to see both sides of the family, had some great time spent with Aunt Patty and Stef while mama and daddy had dinner out and even got in a little fishing and go-carting. Big P informed me that this summer ROCKS so hopefully we can keep that excitement going.

First order of business? Clearing out my memory disc for my camera so I can get to getting some of memories to put away for later....

31 years and long way to go!

2009-05-22T14:30:00.002-05:00

I have been blessed with another birthday! SO VERY blessed! In fact, I don't mind these birthdays and find it kind of humorous when people say they're 29 five years running. Why do people panic about birthdays? Yes, I am aware that each one reminds us that we are in fact getting older, but so what?! That means we've made it through another year of trials, tears, laughs, joys and so many more blessings than I think most of us are aware we even have! I have so much in my life, much more than I ever imagined and more than I could ever need. I have the love of a man who is truly my best friend, and yes, the past 10 years have been a roller coaster ride, but I wouldn't want that ride with anyone else! I am so "lucky to be in love with my best friend", thank you Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat for that song. I am reminded every day by this man of how wonderful I am in his eyes and I could not ask for more!

I also have the love of two very important little ladies. They are my soulmates twice over! Two little people I get to call my daughters, our daughters. Their laughter, their innocence and their sweet little souls are so amazing. Every moment I get to spend with them I am reminded that they are strong, smart, funny, silly, empathetic, beautiful, healthy and so many other things I can not possibly type them all!

I have a great network of family and friends and truly have a blessed life. Yes, there have been some rough roads but those roads have made the journey worth it! So thank you Lord for 31 years of life and I pray that my life is one worth living! Its not how you did it or who you knew its the fact you lived and I plan on living every moment of it!

Some fun news!! Big P lost her first tooth last night! She was so brave and let daddy take it out! Of course the Tooth Fairy was prepared and left a nice surprise for a happy 5-year-old. Of course now Little P thinks her teeth are wiggly too! YIKES!

Being celebrated as a mama...

2009-05-11T11:11:00.005-05:00

What a wonderful weekend! We got a lot of celebration time in with both grandmas and together as a family. We were able to go to the "big circus" as big P calls it, thanks to a radio station give-a-way! The P's and I had dinner with my parents while Kris held down the fort at Station 8! And then on Mother's Day, I got up bright and early with a very loud and very sweet "Happy Mother's Day" at 6:45am! I wasn't upset about being woke up so early on a Sunday, how could I be? All three of them were so excited to start the day with me! And what a day?! After being presented with very sweet cards, flowers and a new I-Pod, Kris kidnapped us three girls and took us to Kansas City for a fun day of shopping and eating and hanging out as a family. I am truly blessed to be called his wife and their mama....what a great weekend and it was so needed!

Here's a picture of the Divas themselves! We got them alot of really nice Disney gear at the Disney store at very nice prices and of course that included these rock star shades!

A wiggly tooth....A WIGGLY TOOTH!

2009-05-07T12:12:00.004-05:00

I knew this day was coming eventually. The girls have hit milestones, some right on time and some very early. Last night Big P hit one very early and one I'm not sure if mommy is quite prepared for! She has a wiggly tooth. The pure joy on her face of having us confirm it is indeed a wiggly tooth, was enough to melt my heart. She is so excited, so ready to show her classmates! She keeps doing that cute little tongue-wiggle thing and I keep thinking of when she got that tooth! It was her first tooth! She got her teeth early, she seems to do everything early and that part scares me a little! She is a very persistant child so I know its just a matter of a day or so before we put that tooth out for the Tooth Fairy! I just can't believe our little girl is old enough to lose a tooth, that really has hit me! Can I just bottle this time up? I'm so excited for her though, the excitement and pure joy she has in her little soul is so contagious! Little P of course wants to know when she'll have a wiggly tooth....in time my sweet Little P, in time! Thankfully that child got her teeth very late so maybe we can hold onto them a little longer!

Personal Values

2009-05-05T09:52:00.003-05:00

What is self-esteem?

According to Wikipedia:
In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth.

Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth,[1] self-regard,[2] self-respect,[3][4] self-love (which can express overtones of self-promotion),[5] self-integrity. Self-esteem is distinct from self-confidence and self-efficacy, which involve beliefs about ability and future performance.

So how does one go about instilling something like self-esteem, self-worth and self-love in their children? Particularly when a parent has their OWN issues with self-esteem? I think we all have moments where we question our self-worth. Its such an easy trap to get into, but the last thing I think any of us want to do is to cause our children to question theirs.

According to Kidshealth.org:
What Is Self-Esteem?
To understand self-esteem, it helps to break the term into two words. Let's take a look at the word esteem first. Esteem is a fancy word for thinking that someone or something is important or valuing that person or thing. For example, if you really admire your friend's dad because he volunteers at the fire department, it means you hold him in high esteem. And the special trophy for the most valuable player on a team is often called an esteemed trophy. This means the trophy stands for an important accomplishment.
And self means, well, yourself! So put the two words together and it's easier to see what self-esteem is. It's how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It's how you see yourself and how you feel about your achievements.
Self-esteem isn't bragging about how great you are. It's more like quietly knowing that you're worth a lot (priceless, in fact!). It's not about thinking you're perfect — because nobody is — but knowing that you're worthy of being loved and accepted.

I like how the kidshealth website breaks it down for a kid to understand and hey it helps an adult too! I once held my self in higher regard, felt I was a catch for sure and didn't have any doubts I would find my way in life. However, through the years, that worth has wained a bit here and there. Life has gotten in the way of how I see myself many times. I think as parents we always question ourselves whether its our self worth or our ability to parent. I think the fact that we are raising two little girls makes it even more important. I know girls tend to have lower self-esteem than boys, its a product of our own making. I have been raised in a family of strong, self-less women who give themselves to and for everyone else, and while that in and of itself is a good thing, it has sometimes backfired. I don't think that many of these amazing women have high self-esteem, some if any at all. So its a trend and one that I am finding myself sinking into.

Now lets look at the obvious. I have many blessings in my life, more than I can ever count! We have two healthy, happy and wonderful little girls. I have a wonderful husband who I consider my best friend. I have a decent-paying job, (heck I have a job which is hard to say in this economy!) and we have a great extended family! But there are still moments when little zaps of self-doubt creep in. How do you fight those off and win? And how do you keep those issues from rubbing off onto our children?

We are all a work in progress and sometimes the progress part is the part that hards to swallow. Its finding that happy medium and digging in deep to make sure we all feel good about who we are and what we have to offer.

So as mommy works to find more value in herself, I am going to take this opportunity to help the girls grow in their own self-worth and value as well!

Being a mommy...MAMA

2009-04-24T16:36:00.006-05:00

I have attempted many jobs in my life. I have been the ice cream scooper at Baskin Robbins and built footlong sandwiches long before Jared discovered their nutritional value. I've waited tables (ok attempted to wait tables) and have supervised 60+ kids at a summer day camp. I have shot sports footage for a newscast and have produced, directed and assistant-directed a 2 hour morning show. But the one job that seems to have the best benefits is that of a mommy. It has no sick time, no vacation time and I think the only promise for a 401K is that maybe someday these children will make me a grandma. I have to say that being a mommy or as the P's call me "mama" is the best job with the most benefits. I've gotten to carry these precious little people and felt their kicks and hiccups inside of me. I was one of the first people they ever laid eyes on and got to hold their warm, wiggly little bodies before anyone else. I've gotten to get up at 2 in the morning to their hunger or wet cries and had the joy of getting to soothe them back to sleep. I've gotten to hear their first laughs, seen their first smiles and have my heart ache each time I've had to leave to go to work etc. I've gotten to play silly games, make silly faces and even sillier sounds to entertain children that we didn't want to cry to wake up a sleeping daddy, baby sister or interrupt a service at church. I've learned how to hold a baby on my hip, a sippy cup, a purse, a diaper bag, car keys and an umbrella all at once while attempting to open a car door. I've learned which little girl likes to have their face rubbed, the spot right between their eyebrows and down the bridge of their nose to fall asleep. I've also learned which little girl would just like to hold my hand to fall asleep after a bad dream. I have learned that merely just reading a book is boring and in order to entertain a wheezing 2-year-old, you have to actually act out the characters in order to get her to smile and relax after a breathing treatment. I've learned that slamming a door will not wake a baby but trying to sneak across a squeaky floorboard at 10:35 pm certainly will. I've learned that there is nothing more beautiful to hear than a little girl laughing and giggling with her little sister or her daddy. I've learned that rolly pollys are actually really neat little bugs but are not good in the dryer. I've learned that flip flops and patio deck stairs are not a good combination for a 4-year-old's beautiful head. I've learned that the point of bath time isn't making kiddos clean but seeing how much water you can actually get outside the bathtub! I've learned that its ok to go to work with food and sticky finger messes, because hey it happens. I've learned that children hear what we don't say and store away what we do for later use. I've learned that life is worth living and joy is as simple as having little fingers wrap in yours to cross the parking lot. I've learned so much more than I can possibly ever blog but this is a good start....thank you Big P and Little P for making our lives complete and thank you Kris for giving me the opportunity to fall in love not once but three times....

Easter - a somber day

2009-04-14T11:09:00.002-05:00

Easter Sunday was a somber time for our family, it was truly the last holiday where Oma (my grandmother) will probably remember anything. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers almost two years ago and its been a very steady decline. Her true personality pops in a few times here and there but we rarely see Oma in her truest form. Gone are the eyes that sparkled each time she saw one of her grandchildren. And sadly, gone are any memories of her own children. She does seem to remember her siblings in Germany, which sadly are dwindling away, her sister passed away this weekend. My mom and aunt spent their day yesterday preparing to tell Oma this sad news. I have great memories of Oma. There are still certain smells and fabrics and flowers that bring me right back to standing in her kitchen and attempting to help her cook. I got a chance of a lifetime to grow up close to my grandparents and I'm truly grateful for that. Oma devoted her life to her family and now they are devoting their lives to helping her adjust to life with Alzheimers. She is also in that angry state of the disease where she just doesn't understand why they won't let her live on her own, won't let her drive, etc. I can understand that frustration and I'm sure I'd be the same in her shoes. She does not let up and there are times that the pure exhaustion of trying to keep a happy face on around her is hard to do. I'm just the grandchild I do not have the day in and day out stress of dealing with the situation my mom and her siblings do. I just get to see their sadness and frustration and it is truly a bad deal all around. We were very blessed to have such an active, independent spirit among us for so long. Alzheimers is truly a horrible, horrible disease!

Thursday rambling...

2009-04-09T09:00:00.005-05:00

I try to make a point of finding a balance between being productive in the evenings during the week all the while enjoying time with the P's and with Kris. Grass fire season has kept some of that time to a minimum, but its our job as a fire family to be flexible and I think the P's and I have adjusted well to that life. Sometimes, it does stink but we seem to have gotten better at balancing right now. So while the fires burned last night - the P's and I spent some time outside. They love riding their bikes and big wheels. I remember spending many, many hours doing just the same on my bike and my big wheel. I literally wore the wheels off my Care Bear big wheel and outgrew several bikes. So I truly enjoy seeing them out there doing the same. I hope the balance is a good one, the laundry will still be there yes I know. And the dishes will get done and the trash taken out, so with the weather warming up, its truly time to balance it all out. Especially with big P starting T-Ball. Her schedule is a little crazy, particularly towards the end of May with back-to-back games. I want to make it an enjoyable experience for her regardless of whether or not she falls in love with it like I did or just does it for this summer. Little P will be out there cheering her sister on as will Kris and I, and various family members. Gone are the days of just having kids and no real schedules besides work and daycare, now we are involved in activities! My goal is to NOT over do it on that. I don't know how people can manage having their kids in 3 or 4 activities at a time...thats just not something I think will keep me sane. Plus it doesn't give them the opportunity to truly enjoy any of it. So there ya go, my random Thursday morning rambling.

Here are a recent pics including one of the P's on their big wheels last night, the one of Big P didn't turn out as good as I would've liked, she was flying on that thing! =)

Hmmm......

2009-04-08T10:36:00.002-05:00

There are times in life when you seem to get settled and ready to live the routine, and then that routine is shaken a bit. I think those moments are the ones where God is trying to remind you that HE is in charge. So as much as we try to plan, try to get going, sometimes he takes us in a different direction. One that is better once we get to where we are supposed to go. There are some opportunities and questions that lie ahead for our family, ones that can be frustrating and stressful and others that could be just the change we needed. So for now, I will just pray that whatever doors God opens for us, we are willing to step inside. I'm excited, worried, happy, loved, loving, trusting, hopeful and blessed so I know that as long as we go forward as a family, ANYTHING is possible!

A LONG WEEK...

2009-04-03T08:51:00.003-05:00

It has been a very long week, so glad its Friday. I wish someone would tell Mother Nature it is April and that she needs to save the snow for next winter!

Gearing up to go back to school, wow its been a long time and I keep having the dream about forgetting to do my homework! YIKES!

The P's are ready for the warm weather to stick around. I overheard them this morning making plans to play outside with our neighbor A on her swingset, riding their bikes again and running through a sprinkler. Oh to be their age again...their innocence is so sweet and so refreshing. I just pray we can keep them so innocent for as long as possible.

Starting over....

2009-03-16T14:35:00.002-05:00

I did a lot of thinking this weekend, mostly about how to improve the lives of those I love, and how to make life at home consistent, loving, caring, nurturing and a safe haven from the rest of the world. It was during this thinking I realized that it truly starts with me. I've heard that theory "if mama ain't happy, nobody is!" and never really thought much about it. As a mom and a wife, its just been a natural process of taking care of everyone else. So the problems of clashing with big P will have to start changing with ME. The getting my family to eat healthy (ok the P's have this down but Kris and I do NOT) starts with ME. The consistent-routine part, starts with ME. That feels like a lot of pressure sometimes, but I have the opportunity to be my best for my family and in turn, have them be their bests for themselves. (WOW, lots of really bad typing and grammar issues here) But I think the point is there. I've written many posts about losing weight, finding focus, blah, blah, blah. But I realized this weekend, life is entirely too beautiful and too precious to do anything but live it. So when I feel myself getting into a battle of the wills with our VERY strong-willed 5-year-old, I will remember that she is ONLY 5, and I will take the better approach. When I find myself eye-balling the bag of Oreos my mom KEEPS bringing over for the P's, I will remember, one or two is fine, 5 or 6 is NOT! Its time...time to start over and be the person I am supposed to be.

A nice surprise

2009-03-13T16:11:00.003-05:00

It's been one of those weeks where I needed a little pick up - and I got one...my hubby brought me flowers to work. A nice surprise! Maybe the first of many nice moments! I am looking forward to date night tomorrow night and possibly a few nights away together later this month. Thank you baby for the sweet surprise!

Excited and a little Anxious

2009-03-05T16:47:00.002-06:00

The time has come when I have to go back and finish up a few classes so my degree from Washburn will be just that - a degree. Of course, I'm working out the kinks with the dean of students to determine just what it is I need to get going! I've been told so many different things, so I had to go straight to the source of help, at least I hope.
But what this means is I that much closer to being a teacher! WOOHOO! I will either apply to get an emergency license within the next month OR I will get finished with WU and start a restricted teaching license program. So we'll see. BUT how exciting!! I felt right at home when I went with Parker to get screened for the school district we are in's preschool program and its weird, I pictured myself doing high school. So we'll see which direction I'm taken in but I am very excited about the possibility!
A little anxious too, having dreams of not getting my homework done!

Spring is there somewhere right?

2009-03-02T16:15:00.004-06:00

I think big P misses the warm weather the most. She is just itching to get her hands on bugs and dirt and really longs to just run and run and run. Maybe, she'll share some of that running attitude with mommy!

Little P is right there with sissy staring out the back door at the snow that decided to make its way back into Kansas this weekend. They have a friend now, her name is Big A, and she has two little sisters who adore the big girls. She stares out her door too for the P's, and if they are out, I kid you not, Big A is out in two minutes! The time it takes to get either her mommy or daddy to agree. Its such a sight to see and such a wonderful feeling, watching these kids just wanting to enjoy their backyards with a friend. I will definitely have to break out Kris' camera and take pictures of them later this week when the snow melts and yes it's 75 degrees. Gotta love this Kansas yo-yo called weather!

Speaking of Little P, she decided to give herself a homemade haircut last week. Just enough in the front to have sad bangs and once we took her to Darla our hairdresser that works her magic, we found out she took an inch off the right side too! So her bob is much shorter and has the beginnings of bangs, we have to wait a few more weeks to get real bangs cut. There are worse things and it is comical I know but still, a little scary knowing she got her hands on "big people" scissors!

I am trying my darnedest to decide what to get them involved in. I know swimming lessons are a must and we will be signing them up for those possibly this weekend at the Y. But, we had such a bad experience at Big P's gymnastics class, I'm a little apprehensive. Backgrounder: (Her class was scheduled to get out at 7:25, around 7:15 Little P informed me she had to potty so we went about 12 feet across the hall to the bathroom. At 7:20, Kris walked up to find Big P in the middle of the little strip mall sobbing, heart-broken, scared-to-death sobbing! They had let class out early and no one noticed this little blonde out there by herself. She could've been snatched and I was only 12 feet away and would NOT have known. The reality of how scary it could've been is a bit too much sometimes but I am forever grateful for the Angels who were watching over her that day) SO that said, we're not sure. Both girls are very into music and dancing and Big P was very good in her beginning Ballet classes, so hopefully we'll make up our minds by the time the fall classes begin. Maybe T-ball this summer? We'll see. I know our time of crazy activity scheduling is around the corner so we need to relish in this as much as we can. Sigh, where does the time go?

Thinking Outside the Box

2009-02-06T15:28:00.004-06:00

I did something a little outside my character last weekend. A friend of mine, Carrie who is such a talented photographer, wanted to do a Boudair session. And I volunteered! I wanted to do some fun pictures for Kris for Valentine's Day with some of his firefighter stuff. So, we spent a good part of last Sunday afternoon laughing our butts off! I had a great time and felt super sexy and still do, thank you Carrie! I am HORRIBLE at keeping surprises a secret when it comes to my husband, and he is too. Most Birthday or Christmas presents end up being given a week before the big days, that's just how we roll I guess. So, I showed what she has finished editing so far and he LOVES them! Here's a couple to show off the talents of Mrs. Carrie Rolin!

OK

2009-01-14T11:26:00.003-06:00

Little P has this way of just looking at you or touching your hand or giving you a hug that makes everything seem OK. Things have been great, working on unpacking and organizing the house, dealing with the daily routine, trying to keep it routine, getting "promoted" at work while seeing two co-workers leave. The usual kind of stuff, well minus Kris getting 8 teeth extracted last week kind of usual. He is doing remarkably well by the way, even taking time to thank me for being helpful, supportive and a good wife...sigh =)
But Little P will still find some way to nudge her sweet little body in for a surprise hug, a sweet touch and a cute little look and for those I'm forever grateful. She has always been my saving grace and its good to feel ok!

Also ok, Bit P, despite a few moments of sass and attitude that only a 5-year-old can pull off, she is truly coming into her own. Her analytical mind is constantly going...whcih can be rough at bedtime but we're working on it. Its OK!

Here we are in another New Year!

2009-01-02T16:25:00.004-06:00

Boy, time creeps away from me. I didn't realize that I hadn't blogged about the joys of Christmas and big P's 5th birthday. Then again, we did just move and that has taken up a lot of my time and energy.

I don't normally make a New Year's resolution that really has any power or meaning behind it. Partly because I've never really seen the point and partly because I've never been good at it. This year however, is much different. We are starting a new year in a new home with new outlooks. While we have so many blessings to count, we do have some things we as a family and we as individuals (Kris and I) have to change in order for us to succeed in our new journey. So, while I try not to make resolutions, and try to just focus on being "better", sometimes a definition of what "better" is, is truly needed.

I have found myself in a corner of the room where I never expected to be. I am more negative than positive, never express my true opinions of what I want and what I expect. I've found myself more lazy than motivated and I don't finish what I start. YIKES!! Who am I?????

So, my resolutions go a little like this:
*Be responsible (with my time and our money)
*Be accountable (finish what I start, do what I say I will)
*Be positive (stop nit-picking the P's for the little things and focus on the good)
*Be motivated (embrace life for what it is, a gift!)
*Be ready (ready for life's little ups and downs and more prepared what I do have some control over)
*Be Liz (somewhere along this journey, I've forgotten who I am and what I stand for, time to get that girl out of the corner)

So there's my list...there are more subtitles to the Be's, like losing weight and getting healthy, but its the outline that makes the difference. I'm ready to "BE" the person I want others to be. Thankfully Kris is willing to go on this journey beside me, of course working on his "BE"s too, but it will truly be what's best for the P's, and for us.

So thankful and relieved....

2008-12-16T11:17:00.002-06:00

We had one of those moments that as a parent, rock your entire core last night. Long story short, little P got forgotten, no that's not the right word. Mommy and Daddy were distracted as was big P and we all went into the house without little P. Now, the temperature outside was 5 degrees above zero! Little P was out there by herself for 10 minutes. I can not describe to you the panic, the disappointment and the fear I feel inside knowing that I was the one who should've doubled checked. Thank you God for keeping my sweet little P safe and for sending your angels to help her get out of my Pilot and to the front door! Never again do I want to feel this way. I have been very hard on myself today about this. A co-worker friend of mine said sometimes God sends little moments to keep us as parents in check. Not necessarily to punish but to remind us to pay attention to the little things that make the big things matter. Another friend of mine says all she needs to know is she's loved, because she has already forgiven me and of course big P and Daddy blame themselves. So of course we're holding onto each other a little tighter today.

My Christmas Wish

2008-12-11T15:28:00.005-06:00

This is my family, the loves of my life all in one picture. I'm so grateful for each day I get to spend as his wife and their mama. My Christmas wish? Another year of love, happiness, health and joy together!

I love this time of year.....

2008-12-05T09:11:00.002-06:00

The P's are so much fun to be around during the holidays. (ok during other times too!) But watching the simple things about this time of year through their eyes is such a joy. I love hearing the ooh's and ahh's from the back seat when we drive through a neighborhood full of lights. I also love hearing them talk about the true meaning of Christmas and why its not about the toys they get from Santa but that its all because a baby boy was born. And of course Big P loves knowing her birthday is just a week before Jesus'. I hope everyone has a chance to find something to enjoy about the season. I know there is so much hardship for a lot of people right now, I can't even imagine some of the pain others feel, but I hope that there is a glimmer of hope for them somewhere, and what better time to find it?

"I'm gonna be a whole handful mama!"

2008-11-24T12:38:00.020-06:00

Our big P turns 5 next month, FIVE! Where has the time gone? I mean it seems just like yesterday we found out we were pregnant with her! And not too long after that she said mama for the first time. Then her first steps, her first pony ride, her first haircut! Now, this sweet person who I love so dearly is gonna be a "whole handful!". I keep telling her she's BEEN a handful. Of course I mean that lovingly. There have been some moments where she and I have clashed, I truly think that's because we are so much alike, very strong-willed and very dramatic.

I remember life before out biggest P and it wasn't complete until she and her little sister came into our lives. While I may have many more days of drama with her, I pray that I have that opportunity no matter what. She is smart, funny, beautiful, sweet and one of the strongest people I've ever met! Thank you sweet P, for being truly one of my best friends!

2008-11-11T15:21:00.004-06:00

Awhile back, I can't remember when exactly, I was pondering the meaning of life, mine in particular. I think it was around the time I felt life, my life, was slipping out of my hands. I felt that I needed to be "something" or do "something" that was worthy, that there had to be a job my husband and others could feel good saying I did. I thought at one point that job was a nurse. Not just any nurse, but an OB nurse. I thought that after the wonderful experiences I had having the P's, that it would only be natural to jump into that field. I thought about this, dreamt about this job for a long time. But reality set in, and after some careful thought, I realized I'm too emotionally attached to people to be a nurse. So I kept searching and kept wondering what my purpose was. I mean, apparently it wasn't as a Sports Anchor like I had dreamt of in high school and my first few years in college. I spent 10 years in television only to decide it wasn't my passion. Don't get me wrong, I love to write, I could spend all day writing, and writing. But the industry of TV is so different now, it is no longer a public service. It is now a sales-driven, political machine that makes it near impossible to have a family and be successful in that industry. So, I don't look back at my life in TV and wish I could go there again, that door has been closed. About a year ago, I got it in my head that I could share my love of writing with others and this lead me to thoughts of teaching. And not just any kind of teaching, but life as a high school Journalism/English teacher. I mean, I absolutely loved every moment of my journalism classes in high school. And despite a few eccentric teachers, I enjoyed English in high school too! And I still may pursue this career path, it works great with who I am and it would allow me more time with the P's which I seek. However, as I look back at what I've dreamt about being my entire life, whether its a sportscaster on ESPN, or my secret (not so secret anymore) dream of writing screenplays, I have realized that all of my hopes and dreams have already came true. They are found in the two little girls that God has trusted Kris and I with, my dreams are lived every day in the P's. Through their giggles, their smiles, their hugs and their kisses. Every breath they take is everything I could've dreamt of and more. So whether or not I'm a teacher, or I'm working in a bank or not working at all, my purpose is that of their mother, and it is a joy I could never thank God enough for.

2008-11-03T10:23:00.012-06:00

This is the face of our oldest P. In a month and a half, she will be 5-years-old and a "whole handful" she reminds me. And of course, I remind her that she's been a "handful" her entire life, which makes me laugh, but leaves her with a puzzled look. She is going through a stage lately that makes me incredibly sad. Big P, is such a sweet girl, she truly is. She is smart, funny, beautiful inside and out and a relatively good kid. However, when it comes to our relationship, she is in the phase where mommy doesn't know anything, and she feels the need to remind me of this. No, she hasn't come out and called me stupid, but she is quick to talk back to me and quick to shoot me looks of anger. I don't think she knows the power of those looks, they break my heart. I've heard from friends with little girls the same age who say they're experiencing the same thing with their daughters. But it doesn't make the hurt any less. When did my sweet little girl become so mean? Is it my fault? I know I've been distracted with a few issues over the past year and she probably heard more and saw more than she was quite ready for so I have to question whether or not I've caused this little girl to be so mean? I truly hope this is just a phase, and one that will end on a good note. I miss my sweet P! She still lets me play and snuggle with her sometimes, but not as often as I'd like or I should. I know I shouldn't let 5-10 minutes of this behavior ruin an entire day with her, but it still hurts.

I know its just a matter of time before little P hits this stage, but for now, she is all about me. Which makes me a little sad for daddy, but she is getting better about sharing her kisses, and snuggles and

love-on's! She is not afraid to yell "I love you mama!" across a room of people. She is very clingy lately though, and is constantly my little hip monkey as I like to call her. Sometimes, Kris will say it just doesn't seem like she's growing up as fast as big P did. I still think its going way too fast with both of them. Part of me is so excited to see them learn new things and enjoy their new independence, the other part of me wants to bottle this time up forever!

We took the P's to feed the ducks and geese yesterday, among other warmer weather activities. Little P slept through most of it but it gave Kris and Big P the chance to spend some time together. I sat across the pond, holding our sleeping 3-year-old, while daddy and our oldest bonded over bread and quacks. It was such a joy to watch the two of them, and to hold little P close as she slept. I'll post some Halloween pictures once I get to steal some from Kris' camera!

2008-10-22T14:38:00.002-05:00

fire·proof [fahyuhr-proof] –adjective
1. resistant to destruction by fire.
2. totally or almost totally unburnable. –verb (used with object)
3. to make fireproof.

I like to think of this term when it comes to my life now, particularly my marriage. Kris and I went to see Fireproof the movie last weekend and it has changed my outlook on how I treat my husband and who my husband is supposed to be to me. It sounds a bit cheesy to some to have a movie become a tool to keeping a marriage on track, but as my pastor says, God uses whatever he can to get through to us, and that indeed includes a movie. I won't go into detail or hash out how life has been for us for the past few years, but I will say this. Life is changing and for the better for our family. Its a bit scary, but so exciting and so rewarding. There is a promise in our house that hasn't been there for a long time. So go out and see this movie and maybe it'll speak to you in a way you never imagined.

http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/

Focus...

2008-10-15T15:51:00.014-05:00

Here we are in October, one of my most favorite times of the year. There have been so many Octobers where I let life just pass me by. I can't even recall some of the Octobers of my life, I was too wrapped up in whatever. This October is different for so many reasons. I've come to realize what life is truly about. Its not about filling your life with empty, materialistic joys. Its not about keeping up with a neighbor, a friend or a family member. Sure, they may look like they have it all, but deep down, they're fighting their own battle. And its certainly not about focusing on how bad you messed up the past. Its about realizing what you have right there with you, whether it be a healthy child, a supportive parent, an amazing friend or the love of your life. What you have at this moment, is what you're meant to live for. You may not have that chance later in life, so enjoy the now, plan for the future yes, but enjoy those moments you let slip by too often. So that focus has become my life. I can try to plan my future, but God has his own plans for me. I can try to overcome the mistakes I've made, but that's the beauty of it, they've already been made. I can't undo them, I can only learn from them and try not to repeat them.
This quote I read this week sums it all up: "The Art of Mothering is to teach the art of living to children."

So here's some of my focus - and some pictures from the past few weeks of life with our P's!

I've been tagged....

2008-10-10T11:17:00.005-05:00

Wendy sent me this saying I've been tagged and had to answer these items on my blog, so now all of you who read my words get to put up with this! Enjoy!

10 years ago I was:

1. Dealing with a scary health issue.

2. Getting ready to meet the man I would marry.

3. Enjoying life as a student, and working two jobs!

4. Thinking my intern job at a TV station would lead me to ESPN!

5. Just beginning to understand life as a woman.

5 things on today’s to do list:

1. Try to focus on my To-Do list at work.

2. Run some errands during my lunch hour.

3. Make a list of things to focus on for my new life focus...(sounds weird but its a good thing)

4. Come up with something to make for the bonfire tomorrow night

5. Pick up the P's from daycare and enjoy the Lazy Friday night with them!

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. Cheese

2. Fruit of any kind

3. A few oreos dunked in milk courtesy of the P's

4. My mama's chocolate cake straight out of the oven sans frosting

5. All of a sudden I'm hungry for scrambled eggs...

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:

1. Pay off bills

2. Pay off my family's bills

3. Treat family and friends to a fantastic vacation

4. Build a home

5. Write Children's books and be a SAHM

5 places I have lived:

1. Oakland

2. Highland Park

3. College Hill

4. Briarwood

5. Downtown (oh wait these are all Topeka neighborhoods, I don't remember all of the places I lived before I moved here!)

5 jobs I have had:

1. Ice Cream Scooper

2. Camp Counselor

3. Producer

4. Waitress at a Japanese Restaurant (yea I pretty much stunk at that!)

5. Mommy (the best job in the world!)

I have to pass this to others, and tag, you all are it! Megan, Catherine, Kristen & Brandy!

What a difference....

2008-10-08T14:29:00.003-05:00

......a day makes. I was so wrapped up in sadness and fear yesterday. Today, I have hope, for myself, for the P's and for whatever our future may hold. Today, I saw my uncle, who was recently diagnosed with cancer, possibly an agressive cancer, out for his 5-mile run. The man runs 5-miles a day, even with the possiblity of chemo, radiation and all that comes with his diagnosis. So if he can run, so can I, so to speak. I have an amazing life, not just the P's, but life in general. It took hearing from an old friend, that I need to be happy in a whole sense, not just the mommy-sense, for me to realize what I have before me. Yes, things are uncertain right now, but aren't they always? It takes that FAITH to wake up each morning, to go on each day and to make the most of life. I'm ready to do that, either on my own or with him. We'll see what life has in store.

Having faith

2008-10-07T10:35:00.003-05:00

Sometimes the statement "have faith" is so much easier said than done. What happens if you can't? I mean I can, but there are moments where the sadness consumes me and the faith seems so far out of reach. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but there are so many things that have been just out of reach for such a long time that it hurts. Now, things are changing, probably for the better, most of the time I feel that way, but what if they're not? What if giving up is the wrong option?! How do I know what is? Nothing in life is ever easy, and that sucks. I could make it sound pretty and metaphorical but that is the plain and simple truth. How can I just stop being what I've known for 7 years? How can I stop taking my concerns back from God once I give them to him? And why does the hurt have to magnify with each decision?!

Fall is here

2008-10-03T14:20:00.002-05:00

I'm so glad its fall. This is truly one of my most favorite times of year, that and the holidays of course. The girls are really getting into the fall feel as well. Piper is ready to go to the pumpkin patch and Parker is ready to be Tinkerbell for Halloween. Thankfully, we'll have our first true taste of fall this weekend. The girls and I have a have a bonfire to go tonight for my work and then our church has it's annual Fall Festival at a local corn maize Sunday night. I'm looking forward to making some great fall memories as a family.

Staycation

2008-09-17T16:03:00.003-05:00

We were supposed to be in Colorado Springs as a family right now, but the economy has nixed that idea. SO it's just the P's and I hoping to fill our days with as much fun in our town as possible, while daddy is a state away. I'm looking forward to some with the P's, as well as time with each of them one on one while the other is in preschool. Although, I have to admit, I'm a little sad that the girls and I aren't with Kris to enjoy the scenery. We'll just have to enjoy the scenery we have here at home!

Simple

2008-09-09T15:03:00.004-05:00

Have you ever been touched by someone else's life or story, someone you've never met and probably never will?
I've been following Jenny Scott's blog (http://mamaonaplaydate.blogspot.com/) for a few years now, after seeing her story on a pregnancy weekly post. Her daughter Allie, was born just one day before our Piper entered the world. Sadly, Jenny only got to know her daughter for 9 months, she lost her sweet little life to Leukemia. I have cried many tears, both of sadness and joy while reading Allie's story and Jenny's journey since then. Her life and her ability to be as strong as she has for her youngest daughter, gives me a great sense of strength and hope for others as well.
It is on Jenny's blog that I was introduced to Crys' blog (http://meandmyzacks.blogspot.com/). Her story has hit my heart too, in such a way that it has literally taken my breath away. She just lost her angel Alexa this summer, just 2 1/2 months ago, this sweet 4 year old little girl was whisked away by Angels. I spent what should've been just a short break, reading over her blog and then about Alexa. Again, more tears, tears for this sweet little girl who endured so much because of cancer. Tears for her mama who had to dress this princess for the last time the day before her funeral. And tears for the reality in which it has cast my life as a mother.
These mothers have shared their greatest joy, their greatest sorrow in words that have completely touched my soul! I can not and pray that I will not ever feel that sorrow in the way they have, but I am grateful so very much, for their words, their ability to share their life with the rest of us, people they will probably never meet.

I spent a good part of the morning frustrated with myself and the girls over how we behaved this morning with each other. How does this possibly compare to Jenny and Crys' stories? It doesn't really, but it puts my daily struggles into perspective. Something Kris has been telling me all along, I need to learn to pick my battles. I do NOT want my life as a mother and their childhood filled with me barking commands, arguing over the insignificant daily life routines. These amazing little people have been placed in our care by the Lord himself. I've said it a thousand times before, but I mean it, we are truly blessed with Piper and Parker. They are exactly what little girls should be, good behavior and bad behavior included. We get to hold them tonight before they go to bed. We get to teach them how to cross the street, how to brush their teeth the right way, how to throw a baseball, how to jump rope, how to swim, how to write in cursive, how to blow a bubble, how to whistle, how to just be.....we are blessed with all of the how to's we've already done!

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily routine of being here on time, being there on time, getting this event in, or getting that taken care of, to forget the true joy of being a parent. And then you look at your child and realize they're turning 5 and you wonder what the heck happened to the past 4 1/2 years?! How could you have missed her learning how to write all of her letters? How could you have missed her learning to tie a knot? It is the simple moments of being a parent that we tend to forget. And it is those simple moments that we desperately cling to when the kids are grown and too busy for you.

So as I type this, I am vowing to God, to Kris, to Piper and Parker and myself to take a step back and look at what really matters. Because there are mothers out there who would give everything for just one of the simple moments I take advantage of on a daily basis. So thank you Jenny and Crys for sharing your stories with us and thank you for reminding us that life is just simply a breath, and it can be taken away in just a matter of a moment.